Whatever...

Dear Friends,
I'm disinterested in all of this crap news.

So I'm taking the morning off.

But as you can see, I've left you in the capable hands of Brady Quinn.

Please send me something relevant and interesting, thanks.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO,

- C

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

God dammit! And I was really looking forward to watching the Steelers sack Lady Quinn like 16 times. Now, I won't even get the chance. I mean, shit, I won't even get to watch him hold the clipboard, what with this finger problem and everything.

So "a team source said that all agreed that Quinn needed to shut it down before the tendons tore from the bone," eh? Yikes. That doesn't sound like much of a party. I kind of actually feel a little bad for him...kind of.

Guess it's time for Horse Balls to demonstrate why Browns fans thought he was snubbed in last year's Pro Bowl voting!

Try not to tear the tendons from YOUR bones while reading these links...

Check out one of the Pirates new fireballers...and compare that windup to Lord Byron's [PSaMP]

Right, so Willie Parker may not play Sunday. What else is new? Ugh [Post-Gazette]

That Bengals game showed Offensive progress...I guess [LancasterOnline]

Wow, how bad of shape must Sean Alexander be in? [Associated Press]

Greatest magnet and greatest pun EVER [joy magnetism]

Afternoon post to follow. I promise it will make up for my inadequacy this morning!

Sorry kids, I'm under the gun at work today...and after, I might have to go invest IN a gun...to shoot myself with. This sucks.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Oh, I get it! What a cute pun. The Browns won primarily because of a missed field goal by Scott Norwood Ryan Lindell, but also because Phil Dawson forgot that he was born during the Cretaceous period and hit a ridiculous 56 yard field goal to put the Browns ahead. Clever, indeed. Almost as clever as the title, "Just Hold Me, Baby" for a post about Silverback getting held...

So I'm sure Browns nation is surging with pride over this. And I mean, who wouldn't be? The Bills are obviously an AFC powerhouse. A force to be reckoned with. That's why they're last place in the AFC East with a record of 5-5. Yeah. Dude, whatever. I still love Paul Posluszny either way.

But in all seriousness, a win is a win. And if the Steelers had beaten the Bills, I'd be happy. Even if they are basically just Marshawn Lynch and a pretty good Special Teams unit. So good for you, Browns. You go, Brady Quinn! You're looking so fetch these days! That 39% completion percentage was fierce!

Brady Quinn and the Browns, like these links and Hansel - so hot right now...

Silverback = Defensive POTW! [PSaMP]

Jesus Christ, no. Steelers fans, please go vote for the pro bowl [Shutdown Corner]

Matt's thoughts on Sunday's game...in blog form [Superhero.]

The Pens may have lost, but at least you can watch this video of Jordan Staal scrapping [HFSS]

Wow. You pretty much have to watch this video of Yardbarker guru Dewey Hammond getting choked out by Frank Shamrock [Hard for the Yard]

Stuff White People Like #116 - Black Music that Black People Don't Listen to Anymore. Guilty... [Stuff White People Like]

Lastly, if anyone would like to be part of this week's "expert" Meeting People Is Easy panel, hit me with a quick email - onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com. I'm in the process of assembling the motley crew now.

PS - Big ups to my boy, Mike for sending me this pic below. Bombs over Baghdad...meet Terrible Towels over Afghanistan!

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

DISCLAIMER: Some of the contents of this post have been pointed out as inaccurate. Good thing it's a joke post. But, you know, keep your eye out for that. Maybe you'll win a prize. Or something.

Ok, who had Week 10 in the Brady Quinn pool?

Man, you have no idea how excited I am at the prospect of Brady Quinn failing hard on Thursday. For all the Browns fans who boo'd Derek Anderson, I hope Brady Quinn throws like five picks!

Listen up, Cleveland. Your whole team is FAILING. Not just Derek Anderson. If Braylon Edwards doesn't drop that ball in the end zone, you might actually have won that game. MIGHT being the key word. Either way, I think it's been a group effort on your team's part to stink it up.

That being said, I'm all for Brady Quinn. Let's see what he can do. You think he's your savior? Let's find out. Even I'm interested to see how this works out.

I just have one last question, though. Do you think Derek Anderson will be able to hold the clipboard as well as Brady Quinn? I mean, those are some big shoes to fill. Godspeed, DA.


Oh, and not that it's at all related, but apparently someone in Baltimore stole a Terrible Towel?

Them's fightin' words!

Allow these links to get you fired up for that, and of course, Brady Quinn...

The Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker...on Tuesday [PSaMP]

Several cars catch fire in parking lot of last night's game? All signs point to Sansmokio Holmes [Deuce of Davenport]

MJD's list of possible reasons Ben left last night's game. My personal fav? "Infinite sadness." [MJD]

Headline consistency FAIL [Tirico Suave]

Join Hugging Harold Reynolds' fight against Prostate Cancer! [HHR]

Bengals fans with some sense? Well, I'll be damned. [Deadspin]

By the way, stay tuned for the "big news" coming shortly!

AFC North Headline of the Day...

You know who else would like to avoid a Giant mess? Me. Every day of my life. But that's a whole different post for another time.

Yeah, the Browns have a tall order this week, huh?

Stallworth still out, Winslow probably out, a bunch of other people hurt, Derek Anderson still at QB, Jamal Lewis still at RB, Romeo Crennel still coaching, and half the cretacious period on Defense. Should be a fun time against the three headed monster Giant running game and sack happy Giant defensive front.

I, for one, will be watching this game closely. Mostly because it'll be the only game on national TV for me. See, living in the NY area means having to muddle through both the Jets AND Giants every week and hoping that the bonus game isn't Rams-Lions (as of right now, it's looking like we have no bonus game...which is probably better than Rams-Lions anyhow).

Let's just hope it's a bloodbath. God forbid the Browns beat the Giants. Can you imagine the renewed "Browns are a contender" talk coming out of Cleveland? I can. And it makes me wanna puke. Even more than Brady Quinn's face.

But I digress.

Let these links serve as Pepto to soothe your intellectual "stomach"...

I don't even know what this is about. I just like the headline [Trib]

It really HAS been a tough bye week [Hockey, Football & Stiletto Shoes]

Still, some people found a good way to fill the news void [This Is Getting Old]

Giants aren't taking Corey Williams' "threats" seriously...well, I mean, would you? [Newsday]

Sure, Matt knows how to work the tables, but can he make the bed and feed the dog? Sounds like he better! [LJKC]

AFC North Headline of the Day...

Hey, look, a choose your own adventure! Or a Madlibs, depending on your preference. Feel free to fill this one in for yourself in the comments.

While you're thinking, I'll tell you what the author, Gregg Doyel thought...

I have nothing to add. I could not have said it better myself. Well played, Gregg Doyel. Well played, indeed.

For some inspiration, check out the following links...

That's what she said [YouTube]

Arians = 1 out of 5 helmets...I think that's being generous [PSAMP]

Man, this sucks...a LOT [ESPN]

Yeah, Mitch Berger does look kind of like a pirate... [The Sports Hernia]

Oh, Peezy...I miss your simple mind [ESPN]

San Diego > New Jersey [Tirico Suave]

Oh, and yeah, never quite did get around to a full game recap. I will, however, have a couple of fun ones for you this afternoon/evening. So stay tuned for those. I'm just gonna go do what they pay me to do around here...while they're still paying me...

See you in a couple hours, jagoffs.

AFC North Headline of the Day...

This one's gonna read like a book. Here's the awful beginning, with the Associated Press already highlighting Cleveland's desparation. I'd say it's tough to be desperate when you're only two games (now three) into the season. But somehow, I just can't do that for the Browns. Sorry jagoffs, it's gonna be a long season for ya. Of course, after last night, I could easily say the same about the Steelers. What with the "Offensive" line n'at. But we'll wait on that one for a bit...

Then, there's this...

Uh, this seems to imply that at one point the wheels were on. Whatever. Whether that was the case or not, the Browns, like their bottom feeding, Ohio-dwelling brethren, fell to 0-3 and have now lost to half the division and it's only Week 4.

Which provides a great segue into the punctuating headline...

I'll tell you what's left to say - put Brady Quinn in. I think it might be time to officially begin Brady Quinn watch 2008. Anybody interested in starting a pool as to when he'll make his first start?

Anyways, while we're licking our wounds from last night, perhaps these links will help (minus obviously the last one)...

Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker [PSAMP]

Sure looks like Juqua Parker knows how to choke a bitch Big Ben [Hockey, Football and Stiletto Shoes]

Yeah, what about that 4th down call [Joey Porter's Pit Bulls]

Hmmm, this certainly doesn't bode well [Post-Gazette]

Not like I want to relive it, but I gotta give this to Dawkins...sick play [The 700 Level]

AFC North Headline of the Day...

Hey, remember that time Tecmo asked me how long I thought it would be before Cleveland starting calling for Brady Quinn? Well, that time arrived even sooner than expected (though to be fair, Tec did call this one).

Now, I chided Derek Anderson plenty the other day for those untimely interceptions. But he's not altogether terrible. I mean, they could be stuck with Charlie Frye still (or Tim Couch).

Personally, I'd give him at least another game or two. It isn't his fault Braylon Edwards couldn't catch a cold and Jamal Lewis is older than the Bible. Sounds like Browns fan logic, though.

Benching your Pro Bowl alternate QB after two games = CHAMPIONSHIP!

And we can't have a Brady Quinn headline without this fine handiwork...


But if you're still thirsting for more, here are some fun links for you...

Man, WHO doesn't want to remember Barry Foster? [On 205th St.]

Mike Tomlin, moonlighting as Shawty Lo? [This Is God Given]

Desean Jackson = Plaxico Burress? (my words, not theirs) [The 700 Level]

Joe Starkey golf clap for Tomlin/Arians (scroll to 4th bullet point) [Trib]

Hell hath no fury like Andy Reid [scorned?] [The Sports Hernia]

I had this story idea literally 43 minutes before this was posted...and I have the email to prove it [The Big Lead]

Oh Come Off It, I Know You Missed Me...

Good morning friends, 'tis I Cotter! And boy am I happy to be back. I missed you guys...excuse me, I told myself I wouldn't cry...

Well ok, maybe that's being a little dramatic. But exams sucked. A lot. Trust me. I did not enjoy any. of. them. I mean, they didn't even buy me dinner and we didn't even get to spoon afterwards...

Anyways, yes, I am back. The exams went...well, about as any exam could in this long, strange trip they call law school. So in case you were wondering, I didn't crash and burn (disclaimer: statement to be reassessed once grades are issued). Which is pretty cool...and stuff...

I'd like to thank Domski for doing an awesome job keeping things interesting around here while I was off being a severe nerd studying. The man has never blogged before in his life ladies and gents. In fact, up until like two weeks ago he didn't even know how to use a keyboard. So he's really grown in leaps and bounds. But seriously, Domski, thanks for taking care of the blog. I really appreciate it and I know everyone else out there does too (especially The Immortal Silky Johnson, who told me to tell you to call him later for a Reverse Chili Rainbow).

But you know what? After two weeks of no blogging whatsoever, I thought I would have missed a lot. And then, I remembered that it's the dreaded May to mid-July lull. We have now officially entered that time of the year when typically the biggest news includes whatever I can dig up on YouTube that's either Brady Quinn (see link below) or Bengals cheerleader related.

So in honor of this, I went back through last year's posts from this exact timeframe and graciously included the highlights below to give you a taste of what kind of editorial genius you're in for during the upcoming months. Prepare thyself for the ridiculousity/ness.

In no particular order ~

• Cotter Explores The Origins of SteelersSuck.com
• Discussing Heterosexual Things Involving Brady Quinn
• Jeff Reed, Not Italian But Looking Pretty Guido
• Channeling My Inner Anthony Smith
• Breaking Down Game Film From Domski's Wedding

Moral of today's story -- if you guys have any topics you'd like to see covered here at OFTOT over the next month and a half, please feel free to interject them at any time. I'm more than happy to acquiesce. Especially if it involves Brady Quinn...kidding.

Pass The Valium Please...

Unfortunately, one of the most exciting times for NFL fans is alas, one of the worst times for Cotter. Today marks exactly 12 days from when I have my second final of the Spring semester in hell at law school. While you all delight in speculating and subsequently watching who gets picked and when, I'll be delighting in the joys of Supplemental Jurisdiction and the affirmative defense of Extreme Emotional Disturbance (perhaps an Eagles fan could shed some light on the latter...). So as usual, I plan to do my best to keep OFTOT so fresh and so clean. But I have some serious forces of nature working against me here. So I make no guarantees.

That aside, what else can one say about Saturday's big event? Let's see...here's a list of things I've been thinking, in no particular order:

(1) ~ I pity the teams who NEED to draft a QB this year. Matt Ryan? Chad Henne? Brian Brohm? I look at these guys and I don't see a one that I could justify taking in the Top 20(!) I guess that means we should be thankful we don't have to worry about that sort of thing for approximately the next decade, right? Big Ben Godsend.

(2) ~ I question whether it's a good idea to sign the #1 overall pick before draft day. Why would you do such a thing when you don't have to? You never know what can happen between Tuesday and Saturday...someone may make you an offer you can't refuse. Who knows?

(3) ~ Who will be this year's Brady Quinn? And will we be as pleased to watch him squirm? From what I've seen, the men who will occupy the green room when this whole shindig begins on Saturday are: Darren McFadden, Jake Long, Chris Long, Glenn Dorsey, and Sedrick Ellis (although I imagine they'll ask Matt Ryan because what's a green room without a QB?). Unless, as noted in the parenthetical, the NFL invites Matt Ryan to join the party, I don't really see any of these guys slipping.

(4) ~ Who will get traded on draft day? There's going to be at least one trade made in the 1st round. I'm convinced (although usually when I make claims like this I end up being way wrong...irish luck). Could it be Ocho Cinco? Anquan Boldin? Lito Sheppard? Roy Williams? Marion Barber? There's too many names hanging out there as possibilities for something not to go down.

(5) ~ How many beers will I drink in my mind while waiting the agonizing 10 minutes between picks? I mean, it's way better than the traditional 15 (which was one giant migraine last year...trust me, I was there). But that's still a lot of time to be filled with Mel Kiper and his amazing hair tricks trusty draft board. I guess this leaves me no choice but to delve deeply into the wild and wonderful world of Subject Matter Jurisdiction. And believe me, that's a party and a half. You should all be very jealous...

Anyways, what about you guys? Anything you'd like to discuss? Do you have any answers to my questions? Was this post way too serious? I mean, I don't even think I said "dick" once...weird...