Corner, SECURED!

THIS JUST IN - The Steelers have signed Keiwan Ratliff - formerly of the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings.

You may remember this character from this past November 9, when he picked off Big Ben (more like just caught a Big Ben pass) in our turnover bedshitting performance against the Colts.

So, I guess this pretty much means no Corner in the early rounds on Saturday.

But does it mean O-Line?

Either way, the smart money says sit back and watch Big Time Kevin Colbert work his magic.

Any keen insight you have on this, please feel free to add it here...

PS - "Keiwan?" Good name...?

More Info:
NFL.com
Wikipedia
Colts.com

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Your Move, Big Ben...

I had to take a shower after this one I felt so dirty. Like, Christina Aguilera circa 2002, dirty. I mean, if we wanted someone to shit the bed, we wouldn't have released Najeh Davenport this weekend. Am I wrong?

Of course, I'm joking. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say we "shit the bed." But that's how it feels right now. Honestly, I doubt I can say anything positive about losing the third game of the season when again, as with the last two, we had the game in reach only to be let down by untimely mistakes.

The story of yesterday's game - points off of turnovers. They got 'em, we did not. 14 points off of turnovers given to you in your opponents territory? That's how you win football games. I'm not going to say anything about the caliber of Peyton Manning's play. I'm just going to say that he did what he had to do to win the game. And at least yesterday, did not make any big mistakes.

You can say the Defense was also to blame for not stopping him. But when you give a perennial pro bowler, injured one or not, the ball at your 30 yard line, it's going to be tough for the Defense to keep him from getting points. Sure, they could've held 'em to three both times. And yeah, they definitely could've. But I think why I'm reluctant to put more heat on them is because they've been getting overworked. If the Offense doesn't turn the ball over and gets their job done, maybe they get more rest and maybe they're able to stop the Colts when it really counts.

But maybes are at this point, moot. We lost. So let's just do the Monday morning thing and sift through the "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were Not Awesome," and "Things I Have No Words For."

Things That Were Awesome:
1. Ike Taylor - water covers 71% of the Earth, Face Me Ike covers the rest**
2. Mewelde Mo' - 54 rush yds, 48 receving yds, 2 TDs. HUGE.
3. Matt Spaeth - 6 catches, 53 yds...with an allegedly broken right hand.
4. Hines Ward - 9 catches, 116 yds, 1 badass stiff arm, 1 beauty queen smile.
5. Flea-flicker - Ben to Hines for 41 yards and almost a TD! That's creativity at work!

Things That Were Not Awesome:
1. Defensive Holding penalties.
2. Only 3 pts off of an 8 minute drive capped by 3 runs in a row toward the same general vicinity.
3. Dallas Baker - did you wanna try and make a play on that Hail Mary?
4. 0 turnovers. Again. But Hank Poteat and Chris Hope got picks yesterday!
5. LaMarr Woodley being inactive.

Things I Have No Words For:
1. Still not sure who Ben was throwing that ball to in the 2nd Quarter...Besides Keiwan Ratliff...Who is a Colt.
2. Yo Sansmokio, you too stoned to try and wrestle that ball away from Tim Jennings?
3. Max Starks holding penalty in a crucial spot! What's the breakdown of $ to yds cost?
4. 1st 20 minutes of Game - 2 sacks. Rest of Game - 0 sacks.
5. End around to Santonio? Hey, Bruce - that shit ISN'T WORKING! Try something else.

Meanwhile in Baltimore, the Ravens won yesterday. That means we're tied for the division. Thankfully, right now, we hold the tie breaker.

The other good news is, while we've got the Chargers next week, who almost lost to the CHIEFS(!) yesterday, the Ravens've got, gasp, the Giants. And we've got the Chargers at home to boot, though home field obviously did us no good yesterday. The Ravens've got the Giants at the Meadowlands. Bodes well for us. But not if we continue to screw around.

Object of the today: Try not to hurt anyone at work. God help you if you work with any Colts fans.

Oh wait, I almost forgot - Willie Parker? Yeah, he's got a torn labrum that will require offseason surgery. And it's "unclear" if and when he'll return this season. Good thing we drafted Rashard Mendenhall in the 1st round. Shit. Nevermind. I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead...ah, whatever, feel free to voice your grievances along with me in the comments.

** Does anyone actually know where this saying came from? Dude, the rest is only like 29%. That's not really that much. Then again, the Earth is pretty big. OR I could have just completely made that saying up. That's easily possible too.

Gary Brackett? I Like Those Odds...

Ok, we've got a new President. Yeah yeah, that's all well and good. But this is a Steelers blog, people. I could give two shits about Barack Obama, President of Hittin' Dat Ass, right now. We just won in sick fashion on Monday night, and we've got the Indianapolis Mini Ponies Colts riding into town on Sunday (pun intended). Let's get it together. Priorities. I mean, shit yeah I'm all aflutter over all of this. But today I'd rather talk about Peyton Manning (Did I really just say that?).

Actually, you know what I was thinking about while watching the election results last night? I was thinking - "God, I'm not even considered part of the 'young people' demographic anymore." That shit is WEAK! But I guess I should've known that anyhow, because I was watching the ELECTION RESULTS. What's next, the Discovery Channel? Oh shit. Um, better make that PBS.

But seriously, congratulations to President-elect Obama. The economy is in the crapper, Michael Phelps is invading our brains and the Arizona Cardinals are playing good football. Your move.

Anyways, the Colts. When I think about these fillies, I think three things - Peyton Manning, Joseph Addai and Bob Sanders. I also think of the 10 pounds of waste that dumped out of my ass when Jerome Bettis fumbled on the goal line a few years back. But let's just leave that aside for sanity's sake, ok?

Just preliminarily, because really, it's only Wednesday, let's talk about these cats for a minute.

Peyton Manning? That's one dude I would NOT like to see more than once a season. So this year he's been a shadow of himself? Fine. But keep in mind, even a shadow of Peyton Manning is actually thirty times the QB that say, Jamarcus Russell is. So he may not throw for FIVE touchdowns in a game and maybe he only throws one or two. But if it's a game that comes down to the last few minutes and our opposition has a chance to come back, one of the last dudes I want to see on the other side of the field is Peyton Manning. The dude just knows how to win. I make fun of him to no end for all his bullshit once he gets up to the line. But the truth is, he knows his shit. He's got it all figured out. I hear he even knows who shot JR.

Joseph Addai? I love the guy. Oh how cute, that rhymed. Anyways, I do kind of like the way Joseph Addai runs. Now, he's coming off an injury here. So maybe we won't get Addai at full force. But they've also got Dominick Rhodes right behind him. Who, you know, I mean, he's eh, ok. Fact is, though. Their last game was Addai's first game back from nursing a sore hammy. And he only gained 32 yards on 17 carries. Against the Patriots old, tired ass Defense. So it's entirely possible that he'll go the way of every other opposing RB we've faced this season. Is it possible to get negative rushing yards? If the Steelers Defense plays like it did Monday night I think we just might find out!

Bob Sanders? Well, I mean, nothing about him has me running for the hills. You look at the guy, and you gotta think, "how the eff?" I mean, he's like five feet nothing, like 200 pounds. Yet he's right there hitting on every play. The only explanation I can offer is that he's from PA. Doesn't matter how big or small you are. Even a small man from PA can loom large when he plays like Bob Sanders does. But his first game back from injury was that game last Sunday, just like Addai. Before that he was hurt for like a month and a half, and even had surgery on his knee. You think he's 100% now? Yeah, me neither.

We'll be at home, too. And you know how that goes. Try facing the Steelers Defense anywhere right now. Let alone at home where they're surrounded by a massive sea of black and gold. Could easily be a long day for Peyton Manning, Joseph Addai and Bob Sanders. Of course, it could also be a long day for either Ben or Byron, pending the results of yesterday's MRI. But at this point in the week, I'm liking our chances.

Let's not kid ourselves, though. With Bruce Arians around, anything is possible. Am I wrong?

A Little Perspective [Part II]...

Where were we? Ah yes, I remember. We had just suffered defeat at the hands of our Southern nemesis, the Jacksonville Jaguars Jagoffs. Big Ben was still hurting, but ready to play. And we were 3-2, going into Week 7 against none other than the hated Cincinnati Bungholes.

Miraculously, the BenGALs were actually winning at this point, boasting a 5-1 record and more hype than well, Carson Palmer. But that wouldn't last too long. On this day, the Steelers pulled out another close one, 27-23, reminding the Bengals who really runs the AFC North. Big Ben returned both prematurely and triumphantly, throwing 2 TDs even though he only managed to complete 9 passes for 93 yards. Luckily, the Bengals didn't have any better of a Defense then than they do now, and we ran the ball all over them. Willie Parker continued his roll, netting 131 yards and a TD, and The Bus contributed 56 yards of his own. And Hines Ward riverdanced. Yep, you heard me. Don't act like you don't remember.

Then it was on to the murder capital of the world Baltimore for a Monday night date with the dirty birds of the North and their fearless leader, that son-a'-bitch, Brian Billick. Despite their typically pesky defense, the Ravens were pretty much the doormat of the AFC North at that point and the Steelers contributed another loss to their already hefty supply, 21-20. But, I mean, Anthony Wright was their QB. So it wasn't really a fair fight. Of note, this was the fourth game that season in which Master Fly W. Large (or Tricktickler P. Worrel, as he was known back then) was held to under 100 yards.

After the Monday Night meeting with Bawlmore, it was on to Green Bay to do battle with the old battle axe himself, Peter King's boyfriend Brett Favre. Big Ben sat this one out (knee surgery), but Cowher obviously learned his lesson the first time and started Chuck Batch over Tommy [redacted] Maddox. Neither Batch nor anyone else on the offensive side of the ball did much to write home about, but the defense managed to nab Favre's requisite INT of the game and also produced two fumbles, culminating in a 20-10 Steelers win. This brought us to 6-2 heading into Week 10 against the Brownies.

I don't really see much point in waxing nostalgic about this one. We murdered the Browns, as usual. But this time it was a little more impressive because our QB duties were handled by the triumvirate of Chuck Batch, Tommy [redacted] Maddox and yes, even a little 'Twan. 34-21 was the final score and really the only thing worth noting was Randle El's 51 yarder to Hines Ward that put the Steelers ahead 24-7 in the 3rd quarter. Beyond that, just another day's work at Heinz Field.

Going into Week 11, we found ourselves evenly positioned with the Bengals atop the division, at 7-2. That would all begin to change against the god damned Ravens, though. Ben was still on the shelf. So it was the Tommy Maddox Turnover Special yet again. This time, that asshole threw one pick, and fumbled once. Yet, he still managed to throw for 230 yards, once again leading us into an overtime situation in which we would ultimately fall 16-13. Beaten by Kyle Boller. Curse you, Brian Billick! Quoth the Raven, nevermore.

But then, the real fun began. Oh yes, another Monday night matchup in Week 12, this time against the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings Colts. Much like last year when we played the Hatriots in December, I think most of us honestly believed we were going to walk into the RCA Dome, intercept Peyton Manning three or four times, maim Edgerrin James and walk out victorious. Such was not exactly the case. On the first play of the game, Manning connected with Marvin Harrison for 80 yards and a stunning 7-0 early lead. We never really gained composure, and ultimately looked like the Bengals a bunch of amateurs, losing 26-7. It was a bloodbath courtesy of Peyton Manning.

7-4, facing the stretch run while trailing the Bungles in the division race by a game (they were 8-3), we had Ben back and looked to be in a good position with five more games against such powerhouses as the Vikings, Browns and Lions (the other two were the Bangles and the Ditkas Bears). The chips seemed to be falling in our favor, but we were still licking our wounds from our previous two losses...

And that concludes Part II. Tomorrow, Part III. None too soon if you ask me. Reliving the past is tough, man. My fingers hurt.

Care to share any memories about these games? What would you give Hines for the riverdance? Is Tommy Maddox or is he not Satan incarnate? And did anyone count how many times I just said, "at this point?"

FURTHER REFERENCE:
Part I