A Little Perspective [Part III]...

Picking up where we left off - When we last heard from the Steelers, they were 7-4, a game back from the Bungles in the division and heading into crunch time. The remaining games were Cincy, Chi-town, the Arctic Circle Vikings, the Brownies, and Jerome Bettis' hometown Lions (quarterbacked at the time by Joey Harrington, field general).

So Ben hadn't exactly impressed in his triumphant Monday Night return against the Colts. But he fully made up for it against the Bengals the following Sunday, throwing for a disgusting 386 yards and 3 TDs. Problem was, he also threw 3 INTs. And the Special Teams allowed a 94 yard Tab Perry run back. And, despite Hines Ward's 9 catches for 135 yards (and one imitation of the Icky shuffle), he also fumbled. Just too many mistakes. So to the AFC North leader went the spoils, and Cincy edged us 38-31, taking a firm hold on the division at 9-3, while we fell to 7-4. Notably, Cincy's resident psychopath eccentric, Chad Johnson said after this game, "It used to be Pittsburgh's time. Now, it's Cincinnati time." He would, of course, eat those words approximately six weeks later.

And we pressed on, facing the Chicago Bears the following week in the snow at Heinz Field. After starting the season 1-3, the Bears were riding an unprecedented eight game win streak coming into the game. Kyle Orton was their leader, and Thomas Jones was their workhorse. But on this day, they weren't enough to overcome our Steelers and their thirst for a playoff berth. We carried the day 21-9, Jerome Bettis leading the way with 17 carries for 101 yards (his first 100 yard game of the season), 2 TDs and one spectacular moment in which he bulldozed the formidable, Brian Urlacher. It was indicative of what was to come for the Steelers. On the rise, but yet still trailing the Bengals by two games, with only three games left in the season, it would take all the team had to rally and finish the season well enough to advance to the post season.

The following week we traveled North to dance with the Vikings, who were also riding a winning streak similar to the Bears - six games. Unfortunately for them, they were also recently distracted by the now infamous boat/sex party extravanganza that resuled in the suspension of four Vikings, including starting QB, Daunte Culpepper. Not to mention, the Steelers were hungry, and frankly, the Vikings were an inferior team from the ancient Brad Johnson down to Michael Bennett and Marcus Robinson. The Defense robbed Johnson twice, and scored the final points of the game on a safety when Larry Foote tackled Michael Bennett in the end zone. Final score, 18-3. They only got 3 points. Yep. But the best game of the season was just on the horizon...

Moving on, the team jetted down to that Landfill next to Lake Erie for the ever-entertaining rivalry game against the Cleve Brownies. I don't really know what to say about this game that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan. The Browns looked bombed out and depleted. We asserted our will readily on both them, AND their fans. In fact, the highlight of the game came when Silverback bodyslammed a Browns who had so intelligently wandered his ass onto the field. The Offense lit the Browns up for 457 total yards and the Defense sacked Charlie Frye 8 times (he fumbled 4 times), contributing to the Steelers 41-0 victory. I, for one, fully expected the team to be brought up on charges following this one. Because we murdered them!

Miraculously, the Bengals lost to the Bills that weekend, dropping them to 11-4. The Steelers were at 10-5 and well in line for a wild card spot. So a win the following week was the only thing on their minds as they came home to battle the Lions and their anemic offense. But the story of the day wasn't the Lions Offense sucking so much as it was Willie Parker and the Bus steamrolling the Lions Defense. Bussy and FWP combined for 178 yards, with Willie netting 131 and Bus contributing 47, not to mention 3 TDs. And luckily so. Because Ben threw two picks and only managed to complete nine passes for 135 yards, and the Defense allowed Joey Harrington(!) to throw for 212 yards and 3 TDs. 34-20, Steelers. A win, and they were in (well, a win and a Bengals loss). Sure, they were the 6 seed and had a tall order on their hands. But they were in the playoffs, which was more than they could say even a week or two before.

And thus concludes our look back at the 2005-2006 regular season. As you may have noticed, we had a lot of ups, and at least an equal amount of downs. Big Ben had knee surgery, Willie Parker was hit or miss, the Defense looked great at times and not so great at other times, and of course, we lost both our final game against, and the division to, the friggin' Bengals! So you get the idea. A lot can happen in 17 weeks. The Steelers were Super Bowl favorites coming out of the gate, but became rather large underdogs, going into the playoffs as a six seed needing to win three games on the road just to make it to Detroit. Of course, they did. But media darlings or not, shit happens. Bottom line.

So here we are, three days wiser, with perspective from a Super Bowl season.

Now, who gives a shit? We play the Browns in three days! I, for one, am ready to play right now. Can't someone speed up the rotation of the earth's axis? Come on Tomlin, put in a call to Al Gore. I'm sure he's got that shit under control.

Thoughts? Reflections? Hate mail? My ears (and the comments) are now open...

A Little Perspective [Part II]...

Where were we? Ah yes, I remember. We had just suffered defeat at the hands of our Southern nemesis, the Jacksonville Jaguars Jagoffs. Big Ben was still hurting, but ready to play. And we were 3-2, going into Week 7 against none other than the hated Cincinnati Bungholes.

Miraculously, the BenGALs were actually winning at this point, boasting a 5-1 record and more hype than well, Carson Palmer. But that wouldn't last too long. On this day, the Steelers pulled out another close one, 27-23, reminding the Bengals who really runs the AFC North. Big Ben returned both prematurely and triumphantly, throwing 2 TDs even though he only managed to complete 9 passes for 93 yards. Luckily, the Bengals didn't have any better of a Defense then than they do now, and we ran the ball all over them. Willie Parker continued his roll, netting 131 yards and a TD, and The Bus contributed 56 yards of his own. And Hines Ward riverdanced. Yep, you heard me. Don't act like you don't remember.

Then it was on to the murder capital of the world Baltimore for a Monday night date with the dirty birds of the North and their fearless leader, that son-a'-bitch, Brian Billick. Despite their typically pesky defense, the Ravens were pretty much the doormat of the AFC North at that point and the Steelers contributed another loss to their already hefty supply, 21-20. But, I mean, Anthony Wright was their QB. So it wasn't really a fair fight. Of note, this was the fourth game that season in which Master Fly W. Large (or Tricktickler P. Worrel, as he was known back then) was held to under 100 yards.

After the Monday Night meeting with Bawlmore, it was on to Green Bay to do battle with the old battle axe himself, Peter King's boyfriend Brett Favre. Big Ben sat this one out (knee surgery), but Cowher obviously learned his lesson the first time and started Chuck Batch over Tommy [redacted] Maddox. Neither Batch nor anyone else on the offensive side of the ball did much to write home about, but the defense managed to nab Favre's requisite INT of the game and also produced two fumbles, culminating in a 20-10 Steelers win. This brought us to 6-2 heading into Week 10 against the Brownies.

I don't really see much point in waxing nostalgic about this one. We murdered the Browns, as usual. But this time it was a little more impressive because our QB duties were handled by the triumvirate of Chuck Batch, Tommy [redacted] Maddox and yes, even a little 'Twan. 34-21 was the final score and really the only thing worth noting was Randle El's 51 yarder to Hines Ward that put the Steelers ahead 24-7 in the 3rd quarter. Beyond that, just another day's work at Heinz Field.

Going into Week 11, we found ourselves evenly positioned with the Bengals atop the division, at 7-2. That would all begin to change against the god damned Ravens, though. Ben was still on the shelf. So it was the Tommy Maddox Turnover Special yet again. This time, that asshole threw one pick, and fumbled once. Yet, he still managed to throw for 230 yards, once again leading us into an overtime situation in which we would ultimately fall 16-13. Beaten by Kyle Boller. Curse you, Brian Billick! Quoth the Raven, nevermore.

But then, the real fun began. Oh yes, another Monday night matchup in Week 12, this time against the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings Colts. Much like last year when we played the Hatriots in December, I think most of us honestly believed we were going to walk into the RCA Dome, intercept Peyton Manning three or four times, maim Edgerrin James and walk out victorious. Such was not exactly the case. On the first play of the game, Manning connected with Marvin Harrison for 80 yards and a stunning 7-0 early lead. We never really gained composure, and ultimately looked like the Bengals a bunch of amateurs, losing 26-7. It was a bloodbath courtesy of Peyton Manning.

7-4, facing the stretch run while trailing the Bungles in the division race by a game (they were 8-3), we had Ben back and looked to be in a good position with five more games against such powerhouses as the Vikings, Browns and Lions (the other two were the Bangles and the Ditkas Bears). The chips seemed to be falling in our favor, but we were still licking our wounds from our previous two losses...

And that concludes Part II. Tomorrow, Part III. None too soon if you ask me. Reliving the past is tough, man. My fingers hurt.

Care to share any memories about these games? What would you give Hines for the riverdance? Is Tommy Maddox or is he not Satan incarnate? And did anyone count how many times I just said, "at this point?"

FURTHER REFERENCE:
Part I

A Little Perspective...

Ok, listen, I'm just as psyched as all of you about the prospect that we could run through our AFC competition as easily as Mike Tomlin could grow a sick afro. But as I mentioned in the comments yesterday, 'twas only Week One...for everyone.

Yes, Tom Brady is out for the season. Yes, Peyton Manning looked rusty and out of shape. Yes, the Jaguars are now without BOTH of their starting Guards. Yes, Vince Young is out for potentially a month (his feelings are hurt). And yes, the Chargers Defense didn't exactly impress. But one week does not a season make. We still have 15 weeks of hard fought games to play...and lest I dredge up sore memories - we did lose to Arizona and the Jets last season after opening the year 3-0.

That said, I'd like to talk about a sunnier memory today.

Remember the 2005-2006 season? The one in which the Steelers finally got that one for the thumb? Of course you do. But do you remember how we got there?

That's why I'd like to take you on a little trip over the next few days, through this most exciting of seasons. Today, we'll do Part I - Weeks 1 through 6. Tomorrow, Weeks 7 through 11 and on Thursday, Weeks 12 through 17. I'm not going to even mention the playoffs, because listen, we all remember how that went. If you don't, I suggest you surrender your Terrible Towel (if you even own one, Browns fan) and move to Canada.

Now, let's warp back in time to September 11, 2005...

The Steelers opened the season decisively, winning 34-7 against the Tennessee Titans and 27-7 against none other than our most recent kill, the Houston Texans. Willie Parker lit up both teams for 161 yards and 111 yards respectively. Big Ben threw two TDs in each contest. And the Defense registered 11 sacks along with 2 INTs and 3 fumble recoveries.

Then, we faced The Evil Empire. The team that had kept us from the Super Bowl the year before and had the only coach in the league that could rival Brian Billick for smuggest asshole (coincidentally they share more than just smugness...they share initials). We lost that game in heartbreaking fashion, 23-20 when Adam "I'm only good when Cotter doesn't pick me in fantasy" Vinatieri nailed a 43 yard field goal with just one second left on the clock. Which was awesome...[Editor's Correction: This used to say, "Luckily, this wouldn't be the last time we saw them that season." But as a commenter highlighted, I misspoke. Hence, correction. Done]

Week 4 we watched from our respective recliners/barstools as other teams around the league beat each other up. Jeff Reed got sloshed and won the mechanical bull riding competition at Saddle Ridge, and the ASPCA removed all Mini Horses from Joey Porter's premises. Actually, neither of those happened. I just made them up.

Anyways, Week 5 brought the San Diego Superchargers, complete with Ladanian Tomlinson and Drew Brees for a Monday night showdown. We barely scraped by, 24-22, on a Jeff Reed 40 yarder with six seconds remaining, but the win didn't come without a price. On the final play before the ultimate game winner, San Diego's Luis Castillo rolled up on Big Ben's knee, in a move that looked kind of like what Kemo Von Oelhoffen eventually did to Carson Palmer in the AFC Wild Card game. Our leader was helped off the field, limping.

Thus paving the way for the Tommy Maddox reign of terror.

Maddox, 2003's asshole (who thankfully screwed up that season royally enough for us to nab Big Ben in the '04 draft), then orchestrated a total dismantling of what seemed like a legitimately winnable game against the Jacksonville Jaguars Jagoffs. Maddox threw two picks on the first two Steelers drives, but we were somehow able to get the game into OT, notwithstanding the fact that we looked like complete dogshit (and by, "we," I mean Tommy Maddox). Once in OT, Maddox continued to play like he had money on the Jags, fumbling a snap on the first drive. Then, as an encore he gave us a fitting end to the game, throwing a pick six to Reshean Mathis (yes, THAT Reshean Mathis) on the first play of the next series. And we all crept home like we had just had sex with the most foul beast at Heinz Field (no, not Silky Johnson's sister). A 23-16 loss at the hands of the Jagoffs Tommy [redacted] Maddox, and like that, we were 3-2 with Big Ben still questionable.

Thus concludes the first part of my 2005 season rewind. To hear my recount of the next five games, against the Bengals, Ravens (X2), Packers, and Colts games, make sure you come back for Part II tomorrow.

For now, I ask you all - Do you remember these games? Do you remember how you felt about the season at that point? And of course, do you see where I'm going with all of this? Feel free NOT to point out how big of an asshole I am...or don't.