I'll Have Some Of Whatever He's Smoking...

Ok, I'm gonna file this one under "overreaction." Sure, we're all displeased with Big Ben's inadequacy. But sometimes, a step back helps. I can justify sitting him. He probably needs that. But calling him Tommy Maddox? Really?

#1 - Ben Roethlisberger ≠ Tommy Maddox
There's about 11 years, 20 pounds and like 8000 interceptions that say so. Although as Ape said last night, "he's approaching Kordell territory in terms of frequency of game-killing turnovers."

#2 - "Raisins" = one of the dumbest nicknames I've ever heard
You may call them any number of names, but "Raisins" is off the board.

#3 - Joe Flacco is not > Ben Roethlisberger
You must either be delusional or an overly-proud alumnus of THE University of Delaware if you can follow this line of thinking (and don't look at me).

All Star, indeed.

Thoughts?

A Little Perspective [Part II]...

Where were we? Ah yes, I remember. We had just suffered defeat at the hands of our Southern nemesis, the Jacksonville Jaguars Jagoffs. Big Ben was still hurting, but ready to play. And we were 3-2, going into Week 7 against none other than the hated Cincinnati Bungholes.

Miraculously, the BenGALs were actually winning at this point, boasting a 5-1 record and more hype than well, Carson Palmer. But that wouldn't last too long. On this day, the Steelers pulled out another close one, 27-23, reminding the Bengals who really runs the AFC North. Big Ben returned both prematurely and triumphantly, throwing 2 TDs even though he only managed to complete 9 passes for 93 yards. Luckily, the Bengals didn't have any better of a Defense then than they do now, and we ran the ball all over them. Willie Parker continued his roll, netting 131 yards and a TD, and The Bus contributed 56 yards of his own. And Hines Ward riverdanced. Yep, you heard me. Don't act like you don't remember.

Then it was on to the murder capital of the world Baltimore for a Monday night date with the dirty birds of the North and their fearless leader, that son-a'-bitch, Brian Billick. Despite their typically pesky defense, the Ravens were pretty much the doormat of the AFC North at that point and the Steelers contributed another loss to their already hefty supply, 21-20. But, I mean, Anthony Wright was their QB. So it wasn't really a fair fight. Of note, this was the fourth game that season in which Master Fly W. Large (or Tricktickler P. Worrel, as he was known back then) was held to under 100 yards.

After the Monday Night meeting with Bawlmore, it was on to Green Bay to do battle with the old battle axe himself, Peter King's boyfriend Brett Favre. Big Ben sat this one out (knee surgery), but Cowher obviously learned his lesson the first time and started Chuck Batch over Tommy [redacted] Maddox. Neither Batch nor anyone else on the offensive side of the ball did much to write home about, but the defense managed to nab Favre's requisite INT of the game and also produced two fumbles, culminating in a 20-10 Steelers win. This brought us to 6-2 heading into Week 10 against the Brownies.

I don't really see much point in waxing nostalgic about this one. We murdered the Browns, as usual. But this time it was a little more impressive because our QB duties were handled by the triumvirate of Chuck Batch, Tommy [redacted] Maddox and yes, even a little 'Twan. 34-21 was the final score and really the only thing worth noting was Randle El's 51 yarder to Hines Ward that put the Steelers ahead 24-7 in the 3rd quarter. Beyond that, just another day's work at Heinz Field.

Going into Week 11, we found ourselves evenly positioned with the Bengals atop the division, at 7-2. That would all begin to change against the god damned Ravens, though. Ben was still on the shelf. So it was the Tommy Maddox Turnover Special yet again. This time, that asshole threw one pick, and fumbled once. Yet, he still managed to throw for 230 yards, once again leading us into an overtime situation in which we would ultimately fall 16-13. Beaten by Kyle Boller. Curse you, Brian Billick! Quoth the Raven, nevermore.

But then, the real fun began. Oh yes, another Monday night matchup in Week 12, this time against the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings Colts. Much like last year when we played the Hatriots in December, I think most of us honestly believed we were going to walk into the RCA Dome, intercept Peyton Manning three or four times, maim Edgerrin James and walk out victorious. Such was not exactly the case. On the first play of the game, Manning connected with Marvin Harrison for 80 yards and a stunning 7-0 early lead. We never really gained composure, and ultimately looked like the Bengals a bunch of amateurs, losing 26-7. It was a bloodbath courtesy of Peyton Manning.

7-4, facing the stretch run while trailing the Bungles in the division race by a game (they were 8-3), we had Ben back and looked to be in a good position with five more games against such powerhouses as the Vikings, Browns and Lions (the other two were the Bangles and the Ditkas Bears). The chips seemed to be falling in our favor, but we were still licking our wounds from our previous two losses...

And that concludes Part II. Tomorrow, Part III. None too soon if you ask me. Reliving the past is tough, man. My fingers hurt.

Care to share any memories about these games? What would you give Hines for the riverdance? Is Tommy Maddox or is he not Satan incarnate? And did anyone count how many times I just said, "at this point?"

FURTHER REFERENCE:
Part I

A Little Perspective...

Ok, listen, I'm just as psyched as all of you about the prospect that we could run through our AFC competition as easily as Mike Tomlin could grow a sick afro. But as I mentioned in the comments yesterday, 'twas only Week One...for everyone.

Yes, Tom Brady is out for the season. Yes, Peyton Manning looked rusty and out of shape. Yes, the Jaguars are now without BOTH of their starting Guards. Yes, Vince Young is out for potentially a month (his feelings are hurt). And yes, the Chargers Defense didn't exactly impress. But one week does not a season make. We still have 15 weeks of hard fought games to play...and lest I dredge up sore memories - we did lose to Arizona and the Jets last season after opening the year 3-0.

That said, I'd like to talk about a sunnier memory today.

Remember the 2005-2006 season? The one in which the Steelers finally got that one for the thumb? Of course you do. But do you remember how we got there?

That's why I'd like to take you on a little trip over the next few days, through this most exciting of seasons. Today, we'll do Part I - Weeks 1 through 6. Tomorrow, Weeks 7 through 11 and on Thursday, Weeks 12 through 17. I'm not going to even mention the playoffs, because listen, we all remember how that went. If you don't, I suggest you surrender your Terrible Towel (if you even own one, Browns fan) and move to Canada.

Now, let's warp back in time to September 11, 2005...

The Steelers opened the season decisively, winning 34-7 against the Tennessee Titans and 27-7 against none other than our most recent kill, the Houston Texans. Willie Parker lit up both teams for 161 yards and 111 yards respectively. Big Ben threw two TDs in each contest. And the Defense registered 11 sacks along with 2 INTs and 3 fumble recoveries.

Then, we faced The Evil Empire. The team that had kept us from the Super Bowl the year before and had the only coach in the league that could rival Brian Billick for smuggest asshole (coincidentally they share more than just smugness...they share initials). We lost that game in heartbreaking fashion, 23-20 when Adam "I'm only good when Cotter doesn't pick me in fantasy" Vinatieri nailed a 43 yard field goal with just one second left on the clock. Which was awesome...[Editor's Correction: This used to say, "Luckily, this wouldn't be the last time we saw them that season." But as a commenter highlighted, I misspoke. Hence, correction. Done]

Week 4 we watched from our respective recliners/barstools as other teams around the league beat each other up. Jeff Reed got sloshed and won the mechanical bull riding competition at Saddle Ridge, and the ASPCA removed all Mini Horses from Joey Porter's premises. Actually, neither of those happened. I just made them up.

Anyways, Week 5 brought the San Diego Superchargers, complete with Ladanian Tomlinson and Drew Brees for a Monday night showdown. We barely scraped by, 24-22, on a Jeff Reed 40 yarder with six seconds remaining, but the win didn't come without a price. On the final play before the ultimate game winner, San Diego's Luis Castillo rolled up on Big Ben's knee, in a move that looked kind of like what Kemo Von Oelhoffen eventually did to Carson Palmer in the AFC Wild Card game. Our leader was helped off the field, limping.

Thus paving the way for the Tommy Maddox reign of terror.

Maddox, 2003's asshole (who thankfully screwed up that season royally enough for us to nab Big Ben in the '04 draft), then orchestrated a total dismantling of what seemed like a legitimately winnable game against the Jacksonville Jaguars Jagoffs. Maddox threw two picks on the first two Steelers drives, but we were somehow able to get the game into OT, notwithstanding the fact that we looked like complete dogshit (and by, "we," I mean Tommy Maddox). Once in OT, Maddox continued to play like he had money on the Jags, fumbling a snap on the first drive. Then, as an encore he gave us a fitting end to the game, throwing a pick six to Reshean Mathis (yes, THAT Reshean Mathis) on the first play of the next series. And we all crept home like we had just had sex with the most foul beast at Heinz Field (no, not Silky Johnson's sister). A 23-16 loss at the hands of the Jagoffs Tommy [redacted] Maddox, and like that, we were 3-2 with Big Ben still questionable.

Thus concludes the first part of my 2005 season rewind. To hear my recount of the next five games, against the Bengals, Ravens (X2), Packers, and Colts games, make sure you come back for Part II tomorrow.

For now, I ask you all - Do you remember these games? Do you remember how you felt about the season at that point? And of course, do you see where I'm going with all of this? Feel free NOT to point out how big of an asshole I am...or don't.