AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Douchemanzadeh to the Ravens? That'd be effing interesting, man.

Imagine the strong armed Flacco with Derrick Mason and TJ Houshmanzadeh? Putting aside the fact that collectively they're approximately 1500 years old, those are two receivers you can count on to catch just about anything. At least that's how I see it. And with a guy who can throw the ball down the field? That would certainly make the Ravens just a tad more dangerous...

Of course, this means nothing, really. So who cares?

On a completely unrelated note, I'm interested to know how Matt Light punches Channing Crowder without a helmet on and gets fined $15,000, only $5,000 more than LaMarr Woodley, who made a clean hit on Jason Campbell, and then Jim Haslett gets fined $20,000 for swearing at officials? Obviously something's broken in the league office.

But hey, just imagine how much money the NFL would make if EVERYONE who swore at officials got fined $20,000.

Go ahead, Goodell. Fine these links...

Bill Belichick helping Dermontti Dawson break into the Hall? [Post-Gazette]

???? Yeah, I got nothing, Tec [PSaMP]

3.6 yards per carry, huh? Yikes [Trib]

This whole woman having sex in a bathroom stall at the Metrodome thing is really ridiculous [The Big Lead]

Scranton and Pittsburgh. They're not so different, ya know? [This Is Getting Old]

ASPCA's Best Dressed Dogs of 2008. The Beagle dressed like a lion does not look amused [ASPCA]

And lastly...

I've got a better question - do you really need to ask?

Queen's City Here We Come...

Cincinnati. What can I say about the Bungles that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? They look bombed out and depleted.

Ok, no seriously. Here's the state of the Bengals - They're 0-6 - despite a few close ones, sans Carson Palmer - sub Ryan Fitzpatrick who may be more suited to attack the MCATs than the Pittsburgh defense; they feature a one-two backfield punch of Chris Perry (averaging a staggering 42 rush yards per game) and Cedric Benson (recently signed off waivers), and an imposing Defense that includes such notable talents as Domata Peko, Rashad Jeanty and Dexter Jackson. So clearly the Steelers will face their toughest test of 2008.

Alright, no, let's get serious. There is no such thing as a sure thing. Especially in the NFL this year. I needn't remind you of last weekend's results as evidence. So while the Bengals, on their face, don't seem to be quite the formidable foe they've been in the past they were in 2005, they've still got some playmakers that we'd be apt to worry about. Mainly - TJ Douchemanzadeh, Chad Johns-circus-show, Chris Henry - The Perpetually-Incarcerated Wonder, Jonathan Joseph (ish), Leon Hall (ish), and Keith Rivers (as much ish as you can give to a 1st round rookie).

And let's not forget that now Willie Parker is out for Sunday, Marvel Smith is more than likely out (sub the 7 million dollar bench warmer man, Max Starks), and Casey Hampton may likely sit this one as well. So we're not exactly in tip-top shape either. We're a handful of sacks away from losing to an 0-6 team vying to replace last year's Dolphins as the league's most worthless franchise. We can NOT let that happen.

The good news is, the Defense is relatively healthy. We're getting Keisel back, although we can't be sure he's 100%. Nick Eason, Travis Kirschke and Chris Hoke been filling in rather well. The linebackers are playing like the ravenous, sack-happy beasts we know they truly are, and Troy looks like a man on fire, and has actually been somewhat vocal to boot. All that notwithstanding, I'm slightly worried about our Corners. Notice I said SLIGHTLY. We know they can play, but the only real weapons Cincy has are really the three aforementioned Wide Receivers. Good news again is that Deshea Townsend should be well rested. So the trio of Face Me Ike, Bryant "Look at my sick goatee" McFadden and Deshea "I ain't done yet" Townsend should be alright. That said, it's something to watch.

In addition, I'll also be watching - Jeff Reed. I know that sounds weird, and NO I don't mean watching him while he photographs his manliness in the hotel bathroom. I mean that left calf he injured in our game against Jacksonville Jagoffville two weeks ago. Tec and I have been very vocal about our expectations for Party Boy Reed, but this injury may be more than any of us are thinking. And there's only one way to find that out. Either way, hopefully he spent the bye week rehabbing and taking it easy rather than refereeing pudding wrestling with Sandy Sanderson at Buckhead's. But I have my doubts about that.

Then there's Nate Washington. And, I mean that in a good way (for the first time). Last game he shined, nabbing six catches for 94 yards and a score. If he can be that reliable on Sunday, and Hines can have the kind of game HE had two weeks ago (7 catches, 90 yards, 1 TD), not to mention hopefully a healthy Santonio, we should have some great success throwing the ball in the absence of Master Fly W Large (Willie Parker for those of you who aren't familiar with the OFTOT preferred nomenclature).

Plus, with Dallas Baker out this week, we just might get our first real taste of what Limas Speed Sweed can do. Arians wants to throw that patented corner of the end zone fade? Who better to chuck it to than a 6'4" 220 lb monster who'll likely be covered by either Simeon Castille (6'0", 195, undrafted free agent) or David Jones (6'0", 196, 2nd year Corner out of Wingate). I would love nothing more than to see Limas Sweed pillage the Bengals secondary. Of course, it's not likely...and frankly, I'd love nothing more than to see ANY of our receivers pillage the Bengals secondary. But I gotta have something to write about. You understand.

So that's my two, three, four (?) cents for whatever they're worth (don't even make the smartass joke). And in case you were wondering, Steely McGnome has predicted Steelers - 34, Bengals - 24.

What do you guys think? Anyone you'll be looking at on Sunday? Any concerns you have? Anybody got any gum?

Let's have it.

Oh, I'll also be watching the benGALs. But not in 'nam while the game is going on, of course...

Being Bad Never Felt So Good...AKA Cincinnati Preview Part I

Holy shit...wait, you mean the media is talking about Chad Johnson? Wow, that's pretty unexpected...

But seriously. This week, the Steelers get the dubious distinction of taking on the Cincinnati Bengals at Paul Brown Stadium. The Bengals are fresh off a 38-31 win against the hapless New York Jets. So they might be feeling pretty good about themselves, despite the heavier than usual media circus surrounding star wideout Chad Johnson...who after maintaining an impressively low profile this past weekend said yesterday "he won't change to satisfy his critics." Whatever the hell that means.

Overview: The Bengals are currently occupying the basement of the AFC North at 2-4, but that definitely does not mean we should take them lightly. Notwithstanding the fact that this is a division game, and that alone is enough to motivate them, they still have some offensive weaponry the likes of which we are not exactly well equipped to contain. Mainly I'm talking about Carson Palmer, TJ Houshmanzadeh (not even going to look up spelling on that...he should probably change his name), and Ocho Cinco-Chad Johnson. Both Houshmanzadeh and Johnson are big, fast receivers, and given what just happened in Denver, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about this. Johnson is #2 in overall receiving yards, averages 17.4 yards per catch and has 3 TDs through 7 games and Houshmanzadeh is #7 in overall receiving yards, averages 10.7 yards per catch and has 8 TDs.

Offensively: Cincy as a team averages 371.7 yards of total offense , with 273.7 of those coming through the air, just under 100 on the ground, and scores an average of 27.3 points per game, which is good enough to place them a few spots above the Steelers in total offense.

Most recently they experimented with an emphasis on something new and different for them called the run, and had some pretty good success (Kenny Watson - 31 carries, 130 yards, 3TDs...fantasy stats like whoa). Nonetheless, I worry less about the Bungles rush attack than them moving the ball through the air so as to put up a lot of points...in case you didn't get that already...

Of course, their schedule has thus far included such less than stellar defenses as Cleveland(put up 51 points in a Loss), Seattle(put up 21 points in a Loss), Kansas City(put up 20 points in a Loss), and New York(a 38 point Win). So it's entirely possible (I'd say more than possible but I'm reluctant to, after that Denver debacle) that we could shut them down, should we play like the #1 defense in the league.

One other thing in particular I want to note: The only team to allow them less than 20 points so far was the Patriots. The Pats stifled the Cincy offensive juggernaut, allowing a meager 13 points, picking Carson Palmer twice and limiting Ocho Cinco to 55 yards receiving. So from our perspective, film from this Patriots game should serve as good reconnaissance - we'd be apt to check out what exactly the Pats did so effectively ... and game plan similarly.

Defensively: The Bengals are in some pretty dire straits. They recently converted Robert Geathers, a DE, to a Linebacker because if they didn't, they would've likely had to pluck someone from their practice squad to fill the position (as I understand it he's now back to his normal spot, providing Ahmad Brooks can go). Never a good sign...

With 187 points against thus far this season, they rank 29th out of 32 in points allowed. They are giving up an average of close to 5 yards per rushing attempt, just over 7.5 yards per pass, and have allowed 16 passing TDs (good enough for 2nd to last ranking for the stat)! So it's pretty safe to say we should be able to have our way with them so long as we can avoid the obligatory costly turnovers...ahem ahem.

Now, let me say - just because they have let up 16 TDs through the air, doesn't mean we should get away from what has worked. Steeler football should be effective against Cincy. If we run Willie 25-30 times, pass the ball efficiently, and come up with a few big pass plays, we should do very well.

More on this to come tomorrow and Thursday, but until then, this ought to give you just enough to pique an interest...If not, I'm betting this will:
Bengals Stats:
[ESPN]
[Pro-football-reference]