Admit It, You Guys Are Just Jealous of Steely McBeam...

It's been made abundantly clear to me this week that Cincinnati has an unhealthy infatuation with the Steelers (read: man-crush). A number of you have commented about what a hard-on the Bungles fans have for the Steelers, and I ask, who could blame them? Steely McBeam is a sexy man...I mean...Who wouldn't be a closet lover of a squad that has had your team's number 6 out of the last 7 times you've played, not to mention has 5 Super Bowl rings? Exxxxaaacctttlly.

I had already gotten a taste of what Bengals fans think about "Steeler Sunday," back in July. Nonetheless, curiosity got the best of me again and I decided to check out what the local media in Cincinnati is saying now about our upcoming game. Is it really that big of an event? How do they figure to approach one of the league's best defenses? Can they handle FWP? Has anyone seen Kijana Carter recently?

What I found, while not overly surprising, certainly confirmed all the rumors. This game means more to Bungles fans than I'd imagine even the Patriots game did. They want to beat us in a bad bad way. So we should NOT take this match up lightly (assuming the Bengals players feel the same way).

Anyways, thought you might be interested in some of what I found. So here' goes:

• Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery: The Bengals are thinking smash mouth football on Sunday...yep, you read that correctly. Cincy is so enchanted with the run after finally having some significant success last week against the Jets, that they want to give it another go against the Steelers. But at least they're practical. They know their rushing attack had not exactly been top notch prior to that game, and that running on the Steelers ain't exactly easy like Paris Hilton.
  
  What I found most interesting was that Marvin Lewis even acknowledged the importance of the run, saying:

  "To have a chance to be successful in our division, you've got to be able to run the football efficiently."

  So then my question is - if you know how important the run is, how come you've emphasized the passing attack so much in the recent past? Seems a little inconsistent to me. Anyways, also included with this article was a nice little table of the last 14 meetings between the Steelers and Bungles, that went a little something like this: Over the last 14 games between them, the Steelers have amassed 2,235 ground yards to Cincy's 1,360, working out to an average of about 160 yards per game for the Steelers and 97 yards per game for the Bungles. Here's to following that trend again on Sunday!


• Injuries: Advantage Pittsburgh. It's never going to be good when we're missing Aaron Smith, but considering Cincy's injury report, I'd say we're in comparatively good shape. As of yesterday, the Bungles will likely be missing the following come Sunday: OT Willie Anderson, LB Ahmad Brooks (looks like Geathers may still be playing LB after all), S Dexter Jackson, HB Rudi Johnson, and LB Caleb Miller. That's an awful lot of defenders to be missing...not to mention your #1 tailback (though Kenny Watson showed that he was no slouch, netting 177 yards and 3 TDs against the Jets). So again, these circumstances bode very well in the Steelers favor...though I'm cautiously optimistic.


• Cincy's Poll Question of the Week: Is selling your game tickets to a Steelers fan, or anyone else for that matter, a cardinal sin for Bengals fans? The most popular response, coming in at a hefty 62% is - "Loyalty rules. You’re not a real Bengals fan if you sell your ticket, and you're a loathsome one for selling it to a Steelers fan." It's all about the Steelers, isn't it? Wonder if anyone has tested this out?
  


• Cincy Post's call for reader submissions: Your Favorite Bengals-Steelers Memories. Pretty entertaining how Steeler fans are even getting in on the fun...

  Classic Comment #1 = "Get over it...a Steelers player didn't break Carson's knee, and that's not what kept the Bengals out of the playoffs. We've won five Super Bowls, how many have the Bengals won? Learn how to spell too...fear, not feer..."

  Classic Comment #2 = "My favorite memory from my years of living in Cincinnati is how every year when the Steelers come to town it is hailed as "Steelers week." Especially since when the Bengals go to Pittsburgh, nobody there care enough to call it "Bengals week." It's an obvious commentary on how much the Bengals fans envy the Steelers and their long-term success, while the Steelers find the Bengals only mildly interesting."

• They're even running Ed Bouchette's assessments of the Steelers...how's that for guerilla tactics. Oh and also highlighting how muchKen Anderson has helped Big Ben, AND how much Mike Tomlin "loved" the town when he coached D-backs at the U of Cincy....you know what, I'll just stop there. Why go on?
  

But there you have it. All the Cincy news that's fit to print...and all of it wreaks of Steeler envy. Let's just hope the Steelers go into "the jungle" and remind these people why they ought to look forward to "Browns Week" a little more.

Welcome To The Jungle...

I'd like to dedicate this post to Chris Henry, who was successfully cleared to practice in Cincy today. Congratu-friggin-lations you worthless sack a' garbage.

Substance of post officially begins now...

We all know Cincinnati is basically a glorified penal colony the way these Bengals have been running afoul of the law for the past two some odd years. Hence, I think they've really lived up to that pseudonym for Paul Brown Stadium, "The Jungle"...IE - it's not just a clever name.

So in the spirit of picking on the Bungles and basically Ohio in general (sorry to any of yinz Stiller fans stuck there), here's a few things that you should be aware of on or before Sunday:

• Stealth Bombers: This is the obvious starting point. In case you have been living in a cave, the Bengals have had a little problem with some pesky rats with wings shitting on fans and in fans food and beverages. I'd say that sucks, but if I made chili with cinnamon (or chocolate!) in it, I'd pretty much expect it to get shit on. Something just isn't right there. PS - if you're attending the game, I highly recommend a hat.


• This: Remember the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle? Well this is way worse than that...just watch it. And please make sure you note the Lil' John knockoff...come to think of it, this should probably be #1...
  


• Conspicuously Large Amounts of Bengals Fans at the game: As if it isn't bad enough that the Bengals have any fans to begin with...the latest in Cincinnati deviance is ticket takers at Paul Brown taking cash to let fans in without tickets. And by cash, I mean $20! Dudes, here's a tip - if you're gonna put your ass on the line like that, at least collect more than a 20! I mean I know the cost of living is lower because it's Ohio, but come on, you can definitely get enough to buy yourself a Chad Johnson Fathead or something...Again, I blame the cinnamon chili. Crazy assholes.


• Ocho Cinco: Speaking of assholes...the heat is on for Chad Johnson. The media is tired of his touchdown celebrations and they're just not going to take it anymore...just don't mention how they previously encouraged it...Anyways, check out this post that includes video of the Keyshawn-Chad interview from ESPN's Sunday pregame. All jokes aside, I think this was the best interview I've seen in a while. Keyshawn told Chad straight up that he's acting like a selfish prick. And by all accounts it had an impact. We'll see if he can contain himself on Sunday. In the meantime, also check out Chad's Myspace page...notice friend #1...and #2...and don't miss the comments.

That's it for now. My apologies to any of you who came looking for substantive analysis today, I ain't got none (er...didn't have time for it). But if you're thirsty for knowledge, take a look at yesterday's post previewing our matchup against the Bungles. And remember, when in Cincinnati, don't eat the chili.

What Is This? The 8th Grade?

You might recall me reporting last week that the Bengals are having a little problem with some rats with wings. And you might recall that their initial solution for said problem was to allow employees to ready their firearms, take aim and blow these birds out of sky...er stadium as it were.

Well, as you could imagine, this didn't really mesh with how the City of Cincinnati saw the problem getting resolved (nor the omnipresent PETA). So just to update you on the actual resolution of this issue -- the City and Bengals employees agreed that the best way to go about clearing these pigeons out was to aim laser pointers at them.

Boy, I would've loved to have been at that roundtable meeting of the minds. If you can only imagine. "Gentleman, we have a problem. Birds are shitting on our fans and their tasty treats at games. We just can't have this tarnishing the good name of Cincinnati, Ohio. The team has offered to shoot these things with air rifles, but eh...I'm a little skeptic. What would you all propose we do? Oh, laser pointers? Yeah, good call. It sufficiently angered my 8th grade biology teacher. So I guess if it worked on one pest, it's worth a shot."

I mean honestly. The logic? Where does that come from? Oh wait, that's right. These are the same jackasses that put cinnamon in their chili. Doesn't that say it all...

Hope you're all enjoying the game!

Bengals to Use Laser Pointers to Rid Stadium of Pigeons [ESPN]

Those Must Be Them Pittsburgh Pigeons ...

Normally I try and limit the amount of non-Steelers coverage on this blog. It's just good form. However, like the Steelers Style feature earlier, I just couldn't resist touching on this one.

Get this, "operators of the Cincinnati Bengals Paul Brown Stadium" have asked for the city's permission to hunt and kill pigeons that have been "pooping" on Bengals fans during home games...Per the article in this morning's Cincinnati Enquirer:

"Pigeon droppings have been falling on patrons and into their food and beverages, according to a letter to the city from Eric Brown, managing director of Paul Brown Stadium Ltd...

He [Brown] asked in his letter that stadium employees who are familiar with firearms be allowed to shoot birds a few days prior to an event, adding that company officials believe the shooting to be a “cost-effective way to get this problem under control."

Wow, birds shitting on and around Bengals fans'? Into their food and beverages? Only in Ohio.

And now look, I'm not gonna say that we might not propose the same solution in Pittsburgh. 'Cause let's face it, in PA, hunting is pretty popular among the masses. But I'm pretty sure there's other ways to handle this problem without hunting pigeons in an NFL stadium. Like, for instance, the team could just stop sucking. I'm pretty sure if the Bengals weren't so worthless, no one would shit on them, including myself and these pigeons. 'Course, I'm being facetious, but I'm just saying, maybe the problem goes deeper than just some pesky, trouble-making, pigeons. Maybe it's the team itself that's encouraging this...either way, something fun to look for on Monday Night Football this week!

Plus, one thing's for sure: come October 28, it ain't gonna be pigeons shitting on these Bengals fans...it's gonna be Tomlin, Big Ben, Fast Willie Parker, and the rest of the Steelers! PS - according to the majority (of the few of you who voted) in the poll this week, you think the Bengals will be the first team to challenge the Steelers. Will you be right? We shall see...

The Official Letter Sent [Cincinnati Enquirer]

More later.

That Cinnamon Chili Will Make You Crazy...

If you've read this blog for the last three, four months or so, you'll know full well how I feel about Cincinnati Chili - namely that it's an awful incarnation of one of my favorite foods. How you can enjoy chili with cinnamon in it is way beyond my comprehension. I think the stuff makes you nuts, and frankly no one in Cincinnati to this point has made me think otherwise (reference Chris Henry, Odell Thurman, and pretty much every other Bengal).

However, this article from this morning's Cincinnati Post seems to show some sign that not ALL Cincinnati residents (Ohioans in general for that matter) are out of their gourds.

On a list of the city's top 15 annual sporting events, Steelers Sunday is #3 right behind Opening Day (the Reds? what?) and Crosstown Shootout. What makes it even funnier is Browns Sunday comes in at #5 and the rationale for this was - "We'd have the Browns ahead of the Steelers if the Browns were ever ahead of the Steelers." I find it pretty hillarious that even their state brethren rip the Browns for continually sucking so bad. Plus, the other thing that made me laugh out loud was that Steelers Sunday also noted the caveat - "Even without Kimo Von Oelhoffen." I hear ya Cincy, "Never Forgive, Never Forget," or something like that, right? Just wait 'til Lawrence Timmons and/or Lamar Woodley meet Carson Palmer...might have to reconsider your qualifications.

How Many More Months Till The Season Starts?

Kudos to my man Black n Gold for pointing it out yesterday -- I'm really ready for the season to start so I've got something meaningful to analyze. I mean I could easily sit here and break down every special teams drill Tomlin runs, but what value would that really serve?

Still, to be fair, chances are I'm not going to be too serious about breaking things down anyway...I just hope these posts have been/continue to be at least moderately entertaining for you all.

Today's hit parade:

• It's amazing what HGH can do for you, right Ray?...[Disclaimer: I have no hard evidence of this assertion, just trying to be humorous]


• Am I the only American citizen Odell Thurman has NOT assaulted?


• Why would I want to depress myself hearing about how many [model] chicks Tom Brady has scored with?...Thanks for letting me keep some self respect Tom...class act.


• Jerome Bettis opened a new restaurant on the North Shore last night...36 different martinis, 36 oz. steak, large HD screens everywhere...sounds like a party. Just make sure they don't fumble the tray away right before they get to your table...[Kidding Bussie...I love you man]


• What is Vernand Morency getting at with his Fast Willie reference here? I'm confused...


• PR 101 - don't ever say anything that could be construyed as being in favor of dog fighting...just ask Clinton Portis.

The Internet Continues to Amaze Me...

Boy, the creativity some people have is unbounded. Thank god people like this Ryan Parker character are putting said creativity to good use. Dude created the video below (I'd imagine back in December), taking the old Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer carol and changing the lyrics to reflect the Bengals copious troubles with the law.

Who Dey Gon' Arrest Next?

Via AOL FanHouse Blog

But more importantly, and maybe as a reward for sitting through that first video, check out Bengals cheerleader tryouts below...clearly these chicks are not eating the Cinnamon Chili...I like how the head honcho says

"Being a Ben-Gal is...we have a lot of standards that we set..."

Hope those standards aren't anything like the team's standards there honey...

Other things to look out for - the girl who is really worried about her lipstick and also wants a cheeseburger...as well as the girl who says "I think anyone would be honored to be a part of this organization"...