Oh Come Off It, I Know You Missed Me...

Good morning friends, 'tis I Cotter! And boy am I happy to be back. I missed you guys...excuse me, I told myself I wouldn't cry...

Well ok, maybe that's being a little dramatic. But exams sucked. A lot. Trust me. I did not enjoy any. of. them. I mean, they didn't even buy me dinner and we didn't even get to spoon afterwards...

Anyways, yes, I am back. The exams went...well, about as any exam could in this long, strange trip they call law school. So in case you were wondering, I didn't crash and burn (disclaimer: statement to be reassessed once grades are issued). Which is pretty cool...and stuff...

I'd like to thank Domski for doing an awesome job keeping things interesting around here while I was off being a severe nerd studying. The man has never blogged before in his life ladies and gents. In fact, up until like two weeks ago he didn't even know how to use a keyboard. So he's really grown in leaps and bounds. But seriously, Domski, thanks for taking care of the blog. I really appreciate it and I know everyone else out there does too (especially The Immortal Silky Johnson, who told me to tell you to call him later for a Reverse Chili Rainbow).

But you know what? After two weeks of no blogging whatsoever, I thought I would have missed a lot. And then, I remembered that it's the dreaded May to mid-July lull. We have now officially entered that time of the year when typically the biggest news includes whatever I can dig up on YouTube that's either Brady Quinn (see link below) or Bengals cheerleader related.

So in honor of this, I went back through last year's posts from this exact timeframe and graciously included the highlights below to give you a taste of what kind of editorial genius you're in for during the upcoming months. Prepare thyself for the ridiculousity/ness.

In no particular order ~

• Cotter Explores The Origins of SteelersSuck.com
• Discussing Heterosexual Things Involving Brady Quinn
• Jeff Reed, Not Italian But Looking Pretty Guido
• Channeling My Inner Anthony Smith
• Breaking Down Game Film From Domski's Wedding

Moral of today's story -- if you guys have any topics you'd like to see covered here at OFTOT over the next month and a half, please feel free to interject them at any time. I'm more than happy to acquiesce. Especially if it involves Brady Quinn...kidding.

Daniel Sepulveda - Kind Of A Big Deal at The Cracker Barrel...

It was hardly noon and Sepulveda had already been to church and drafted to the NFL. Kicker Jeff Reed wasn't even awake yet!
- KDKA

In some of the latest hard hitting broadcast journalism to come out of da' 'Burgh, KDKA's Alison Morris got to know the brighter side of the Steelers Special Teams - Kicker/Head Beer Drinker Jeff Reed and Punter/Head Pancake Chef, Daniel Sepulveda. Pittsburgh's odd couple? I don't know if I'd go that far. But these two dudes are definitely special...in completely different ways.

It's no secret that Jeff Reed is the guy that would show up at your party, drink all your beer, probably eat your goldfish, piss in a house plant, and leave with at least 10 of your female friends. But what about Daniel Sepulveda? Well, Jeff Reed may leave with 10 of your female friends, but I'm willing to bet they're all just settling for Skippy because his shy, wallflower friend Daniel Sepulveda was as talkative as that ficus Skippy relieved himself in.

Just for fun, I decided to do some research and learn more about the man behind the leg. What I gathered was...Sepulveda is a soft spoken, god fearing, Austin Texas native, who apparently likes fishing, Chick-Fil-A, mid to late 90's Christian rock and George W. Bush (no comment)... He often takes bike rides, and finds himself attracting fan attention at such consumer electronics retail giants as Best Buy and modestly priced, yet delicious eateries as The Cracker Barrel (side note - Domski spent at least two summers working at The Cracker Barrel...he had one star, and I think they made him wear a hairnet). And while the rest of the known universe under the age of 40 has their own Facebook and/or Myspace page, [unfortunately for my research] Sepulveda is thus far sans-social networking.

Also, his nickname is Spatula, though I'm still not sure why. Maybe it's because he likes pancakes and considers himself a gourmet pancake chef. Or maybe it's because that's what you need to peel the guys off the turf who he's flattened on punt returns. Either way, this 6'3", 230 pound mass of muscle is quite a contrast to our beloved Jeff Reed...which is only appropriate considering the world can only handle one Skippy.

And there you have it. The less than 30-second life story of the man they call Spatula. I hope you're all better people for having read this...errr something...

PS - Alison Morris is pretty hot...it's a fact, look it up.

Reed, Sepulveda: The Steelers' Odd Couple [KDKA]
Daniel Sepulveda Interview [Go Magazine]
Daniel Sepulveda on Wikipedia [Wikipedia]
Daniel Sepulveda Fan Myspace [Myspace]
Daniel Sepulveda Steamrolls Dude on Punt Return [Youtube]

If I've Told You Once, I've Told You A Thousand Times, Only FOAM Pillows for Mr. Rooney!

What a way to start off your day...

I admit, I don't think I've read The Smoking Gun for at least two years. Generally it's not my style. But I do read the Post-Gazette, at least online, and took note of Monica Haynes' feature in today's edition. Haynes points out this Smoking Gun post that talks about all the Steelers rules for life on the road, which are (what I'd qualify as) moderately interesting. I mean, they're certainly no Ozzy Osbourne-esque demands or anything, and nobody's asking for a fish bowl full of only green M&M's, but there are 17 pages of rules and regs sent to every host hotel before a road game.

For your amusement, I present the 3 more interesting/humorous ones (pointed out by Haynes) below:

• First and foremost - Only "foam rubber pillows" for Dan Rooney. Makes sense, the delicate genius needs his beauty rest...
• Second, and of equal importance (in my mind), ketchup on all banquet tables "MUST BE HEINZ"...Duh, is there any other brand?
• Thou shalt not imbibe alcoholic beverages. I believe this rule was a direct result of Jeff Reed...Also, see this...

Anyways, thought you all might enjoy that if you hadn't seen it already. More substantive posts to come later as I gather my thoughts about this past Saturday's pre-season game. 'Til then, enjoy this glamour shot of gentleman and role model, Jeff Reed --

Jeff Reed - Not Italian, But Looking Pretty Guido...

Holy Shit! If any of you missed this post on Deadspin today, you've been seriously deprived.

Click here to see multiple pictures of Jeff Reed, piss drunk, hair looking like a chia pet, shirt off, generally being awesome. Probably could have picked some hotter chicks to hang out with, but hey, we've all been there Jeff.

I always knew I liked Jeff Reed for a reason...this must be it.