Forgive Me Father, For I Have Cardinal Sinned...

Not really. I just thought that'd be a good pun. In hindsight, maybe I should start questioning my own judgment more often. Oh well, is this a Steelers blog? I forgot.

That's Cardinal Warner, there, by the way. I'll bet nobody else has ever done THAT with Photoshop. Yep, strictly novel thinking here at OFTOT. 311 would be proud.

Nah, listen. About the Warner and God jokes. Before anyone gets up in arms or whatever, I'm just joking. He's a fantastic human being. Makes me feel like joining the peace corps every time I think about how much good he does vs. how much I do. That said, the jokes are not going to stop.


No, I already tried that, Jesus! Who do you think you're talking to, Brett Favre? Oh Yeah? Well maybe you should put God on the phone, then!

Anyways, I successfully made it through last week's veritable dead zone without getting too heavily into the actual game. Without getting into it at all, really. So I suppose that means I should talk about it this week, right? Sure, why not.

So, yeah, everyone wants to talk about how we fared last year against the Cardinals, presumably in order to provide some sort of context for this Sunday's one game to rule them all. But as far as I'm concerned, there ain't nothing valuable gained by living in the past (a theme you'll see repeated in today's AFC North Headline of the Day). Last year's Cardinals are not this year's Cardinals. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Here's a list of 10 things I know about this year's Cardinals...

1. Matt Leinart sucks
2. Larry Fitz is unstoppable
3. Kurt Warner is a big God fan
4. Todd Haley is completely non-confrontational
5. They're not blowing the rest of the league anymore
6. They suddenly have a defense?
7. Anquan Boldin is slowly becoming the $6 million man
8. I should've gone to Arizona State
9. Edgerrin James is pissed off (and getting pissed ON by opposing Defenses)
10. A bunch of people who were not Cardinals fans before are now Cardinals fans

You wanna know why we lost that game last year? Same shit, different year, man...


Turnovers.


Penalties.


Four sacks allowed.


Giving up a punt return TD.

Tell me the last time a team turned the ball over twice (once in the end zone), committed 11 penalties, let its QB get sacked four times, and allowed a 73 yard punt return to a rookie, and actually won the game. If you can find it, I'll send you a package of Mint Milano cookies.

By the way, at the end of last year's game, we attempted an onside kick. You remember who recovered it?

That's right...

Larry Fitzgerald.

But right now, the Steelers are the winners of two straight playoff games against two good ass AFC teams. Alright, the Chargers are debatable. But either way, we're relatively healthy, unlike last time. And this is kind of like, a pretty big game. Or so they tell me.

Here's what I WILL say about this upcoming Super Bowl game, besides the fact that I'm already developing an ulcer and it's only Monday - the Steelers just have to do what they've been doing on Offense. Run the ball, block for Ben and let him do his thing. And on Defense - stop Larry Fitz, Anquan Boldin and Steve Breaston. Now, of course, that isn't exactly the same thing as shutting down Abe Vigoda Derrick Mason, Mark Clayton and...uh...Todd Heap? We're talking about three damn good receivers who could easily give Face Me Ike, McFadden's goatee, and Deshea the business. Oh, and I think the Cardinals have a running game too, but I can't really remember...

What else do you want me to say? I can't predict who will show up to play on Sunday and who will not. Like I said, if the Steelers run the ball well, give Ben the time to make plays with his arm (shit, or his legs), and minimize the mistakes, I like our chances. But just because it CAN happen, doesn't mean it WILL happen. And at this time, I just cannot say what WILL happen.

Hopefully a win.

Oh yeah, that clown Jon Dekker was arrested on Saturday. Obstruction of justice or some pussy shit like that. Princeton education serving him well, I see. Here's a picture of him for ya...

He's on IR. Who cares?

You know who else likes God?

Jon Kitna, Field General.

I think the Steelers are playing this Sunday. Did you guys hear that too? Let's talk about it.

Nobody Beats The Wiz Whis...

Congratulations to Ken Whisenhunt for winning his 1st post-season game as a Head Coach.

He's all highfivecity here, and rumor has it he was shaking the walls in the locker room.

I was actually pretty impressed with his energy on the sidelines. And with the fact that he was actually coaching from the sidelines.

Also, how ridiculous is Larry Fitz?

Yeah, no biggie. I could've made that play too. Right.

This just in: Kurt Warner is still old.

Pittsburgh Is Now 243 Pounds of LB Lighter...

Well I'm sure you've all heard from every major media outlet by now that Clark Haggans has agreed to a one year deal with who else but the Arizona Steelers Cardinals. What? You haven't? You mean this isn't top news on ESPN right now? Get the hell out of here!

Ah yes, well anyways - Haggans has indeed found a new home with some familiar faces out west. Good for him, and good for us, as this makes plenty of room for our promising young LB Lamarr Woodley to really step up and shine next season...provided he actually wins the job in camp (I place his chances somewhere at around 98.75%).

So peace out Clark, enjoy the Arizona sun. But I wouldn't count on another Super Bowl ring anytime soon.

This just goes to show you - beggars can't be choosers.

What say you Steeler fans? Sad day? Good day? Wish him luck? Find any significance in the fact that the only two teams to court him were Cleveland and Arizona?

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Cardinals Agree on One Year Deal with LB Haggans [NFL.com]
Haggans Has A New Home [KDKA]
Haggans Watch, 3/20 Edition [OFTOT]
Something's AFoote On The South Side [OFTOT]
Vote Clark Haggans Off The Island [OFTOT]

Heir Apparent to Cowher?...aka 2007 NFL Draft Retrospective Part V

Holy Bill Cowher Batman! Ken Whisenhunt, newly minted Arizona Cardinals coach and former Steelers offensive guru, had himself quite a day yesterday and further, quite a draft thus far.

Let's review the picks:

Round 1 - Levi Brown, OT Penn State: Man, I'll be damned if I didn't wish Brown slipped down to 15. Talk about a guy who could replace Faneca (not that Faneca is gone yet or anything...maybe just in his mind). Think about this - Levi Brown throws defenders to the wayside like they were feather-light and Willie Parker breaks a 75-yard touchdown run...AGAIN. Ugh, but alas, I knew he wouldn't drop out of the top ten. When will we draft a Penn Stater???

Round 2 - Alan Branch, DT Michigan: This guy was 1st round talent for sure. Obviously Whis recognized that the Cardinals could have the best offense in the world but without a defensive upgrade, they were never going to scare anyone. That all could change with Branch and Arizona's other picks. While his work ethic has been questioned, have no doubt in your mind that if he shows any kind of lackadaisical attitude around Ken Whisenhunt, he will soon either be whipped into shape or be shipped off.

Round 3 - Buster Davis, LB Florida State: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, or so they say. Weird that the Steelers selected a FSU backer, then Arizona did two rounds later. Nonetheless, as far as ILB prospects go, this guy was ranked in the top 5, compared to London Fletcher. While he's a bit undersized, he plays with the fire of ten Ray Lewis's. Another great pick for the Cardinals D.

Ken Whisenhunt, this Bud's for you! We will see you on September 30...

Raising Arizona??

The Arizona Cardinals. The first thing that comes to mind when I think about the Cardinals is their status as a perrenial doormat in possibly the weakest division the entire NFL has to offer. This team, in a 20-year Arizona history, has finished last 9 times and only made the playoffs once - 1998 - the same season in which the Cardinals posted their only winning record.

But yet, that doesn't keep some NFL beat writers from touting them consistently in recent years as "up and comers." The latest being Len Pasquarelli of ESPN.com.

As a disclaimer - I think Len always has a lot of good insight and being that he is a guy from Pittsburgh, I pretty much automatically respect his opinion. So I was a little alarmed by his headline "Cardinals a team on the Rise," although to his credit, he tempers his enthusiasm for their new "situation" with the necessary amount of "but still, they're the Cardinals."

Anyways, in his recent story on ESPN.com, Pasquarelli writes "With a new and inspiring coach, a state-of-the-art stadium, a young quarterback around whom to build for the future, an oasis of proven playmakers on offense and a defense with legitimate potential for improvement, Arizona might be ready for a change." Implying that Matt Leinart's success towards the end of last year coupled with The Whiz calling plays and Russ Grimm's instruction on run blocking (something that offensive line needs more than anything in the world) means the Cardinals might actually not finish in the NFC West's basement next season.

I think there's almost a 100% chance the Cardinals will improve, however to say they are up and comers, I'll reserve judgement. The NFC West, aside from Seattle, hasn't exactly wow'd anyone lately. But that didn't stop San Francisco from significantly upgrading it's roster this off season. And don't count St. Louis out completely either. Bulger's a good QB who can hit just about any receiver (and he's got a bevy to choose from now - Holt, Bruce, Bennett) and Stephen Jackson can run with the best of them, amassing over 1500 yards and 13 TDs last season.

All in all I guess you could say I'm skeptical...