January 26, 2009

Forgive Me Father, For I Have Cardinal Sinned...


Not really. I just thought that'd be a good pun. In hindsight, maybe I should start questioning my own judgment more often. Oh well, is this a Steelers blog? I forgot.

That's Cardinal Warner, there, by the way. I'll bet nobody else has ever done THAT with Photoshop. Yep, strictly novel thinking here at OFTOT. 311 would be proud.

Nah, listen. About the Warner and God jokes. Before anyone gets up in arms or whatever, I'm just joking. He's a fantastic human being. Makes me feel like joining the peace corps every time I think about how much good he does vs. how much I do. That said, the jokes are not going to stop.


No, I already tried that, Jesus! Who do you think you're talking to, Brett Favre? Oh Yeah? Well maybe you should put God on the phone, then!

Anyways, I successfully made it through last week's veritable dead zone without getting too heavily into the actual game. Without getting into it at all, really. So I suppose that means I should talk about it this week, right? Sure, why not.

So, yeah, everyone wants to talk about how we fared last year against the Cardinals, presumably in order to provide some sort of context for this Sunday's one game to rule them all. But as far as I'm concerned, there ain't nothing valuable gained by living in the past (a theme you'll see repeated in today's AFC North Headline of the Day). Last year's Cardinals are not this year's Cardinals. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Here's a list of 10 things I know about this year's Cardinals...

1. Matt Leinart sucks
2. Larry Fitz is unstoppable
3. Kurt Warner is a big God fan
4. Todd Haley is completely non-confrontational
5. They're not blowing the rest of the league anymore
6. They suddenly have a defense?
7. Anquan Boldin is slowly becoming the $6 million man
8. I should've gone to Arizona State
9. Edgerrin James is pissed off (and getting pissed ON by opposing Defenses)
10. A bunch of people who were not Cardinals fans before are now Cardinals fans

You wanna know why we lost that game last year? Same shit, different year, man...


Turnovers.


Penalties.


Four sacks allowed.


Giving up a punt return TD.

Tell me the last time a team turned the ball over twice (once in the end zone), committed 11 penalties, let its QB get sacked four times, and allowed a 73 yard punt return to a rookie, and actually won the game. If you can find it, I'll send you a package of Mint Milano cookies.

By the way, at the end of last year's game, we attempted an onside kick. You remember who recovered it?

That's right...

Larry Fitzgerald.

But right now, the Steelers are the winners of two straight playoff games against two good ass AFC teams. Alright, the Chargers are debatable. But either way, we're relatively healthy, unlike last time. And this is kind of like, a pretty big game. Or so they tell me.

Here's what I WILL say about this upcoming Super Bowl game, besides the fact that I'm already developing an ulcer and it's only Monday - the Steelers just have to do what they've been doing on Offense. Run the ball, block for Ben and let him do his thing. And on Defense - stop Larry Fitz, Anquan Boldin and Steve Breaston. Now, of course, that isn't exactly the same thing as shutting down Abe Vigoda Derrick Mason, Mark Clayton and...uh...Todd Heap? We're talking about three damn good receivers who could easily give Face Me Ike, McFadden's goatee, and Deshea the business. Oh, and I think the Cardinals have a running game too, but I can't really remember...

What else do you want me to say? I can't predict who will show up to play on Sunday and who will not. Like I said, if the Steelers run the ball well, give Ben the time to make plays with his arm (shit, or his legs), and minimize the mistakes, I like our chances. But just because it CAN happen, doesn't mean it WILL happen. And at this time, I just cannot say what WILL happen.

Hopefully a win.

Oh yeah, that clown Jon Dekker was arrested on Saturday. Obstruction of justice or some pussy shit like that. Princeton education serving him well, I see. Here's a picture of him for ya...

He's on IR. Who cares?

You know who else likes God?

Jon Kitna, Field General.

I think the Steelers are playing this Sunday. Did you guys hear that too? Let's talk about it.

3 comments:

domski43 said...

The Cardinals have only won one game on the East Coast this year = the playoff win in Carolina. Does this mean anything? No.


Last year I put the Cardinals loss in Phoenix in the same category as the Steelers loss to the Jets = Another away game loss, lack of focus, playing down to the opponent, special teams blunders..(and a little bit of whiz knowing the steelers players' tendencies)

The Cards are a different team now and so are the Steelers. This time no one is sneaking up on one another, its at a neutral site, there are a million distractions between right now and gameday, and this game is for all the marbles.

/time is standing still

tiny350Z said...

A person at work said something that I have to agree with:
You can stop Fitzy by putting Warner on the ground.

While it sounds really easy with me stating it... it may be harder. Warner doesn't hold onto the ball too long, but... he was sacked 26 times in the regular season. So there's that.

matt said...

You can't let Warner step up in the pocket...the dude leads the league in fumbles for a reason.

He has to be forced to move left to right.

It's only Monday. Shit.