Condolences, 'Phins...

Well, the Dolphins lost, 27-9. And that kind of sucks, because naturally I would've rather played the 'Phins than the Chargers. But whatev. We beat the Chargers in the regular season, and Philip Rivers is a douche.


Today, I'm not worried. Talk to me tomorrow, though.

Man, poor JOE Porter. He looks pretty broken up about it. JOE! Who calls him "Joe?" Maybe that's why it looks like he's crying in this one...



And Chad Pennington...well, he threw four picks.

FOUR picks.

Game.

Over.

See y'all in the morning...or follow me via the new Twitter feed in the left sidebar, there. I know, it confuses my brain too. But I'm giving it a shot.

/nobody's drinking

That's Just Joey Being Joey...

"We're 0-9. I'd welcome Bin Laden if he could run the ball like Ricky did."
- Joey Porter

Here we are, it's Friday (Editor's Note: This post was written and posted on Friday, 11/23...if you're just reading it now shame on you...but I'm happy you are, smiley face). Joey Porter week rolls on and we inch closer to Monday night's battle with Miami. I have no doubt that Peezy is doing his best to rally the troops in South Florida, in the hope that he can compel them to achieve an unprecented victory. Though with the recent movement down there, I'm not sure he will even have to. Fact is, they've got a new QB starting, Ted Ginn Jr. got his first offensive score a few weeks ago in London, and there's a potential for a Ricky Williams return to action. If you think about it, the offense we'll be facing Monday is completely different from what it has been all season...Ok, maybe that's a stretch...

Of course, that doesn't mean the Steelers are ready to run and hide. Far from it. Still, neither are we already counting Monday night in the win column. Either way, just like me, the Steelers had plenty to say on Wednesday about Joey's impending return to Heinz Field. Here are some of the highlights (gathered from Ed Bouchette's Turkey Day column):

"Knowing Joey, Joey's going to be Joey."
- Aaron Smith

"The first thing I'm going to try is to hit him in his mouth because he thinks I'm going to cut him."
- Willie Parker

"On a scale of one out of 10, he'll be a 10 1/2...Joey hates to lose. They haven't gotten on that side this whole year yet, so he's going to come in here with everything he's got. I'm sure he's going to try to give them all our secrets and things like that."
- Brett Keisel

"It's Joey, man, let's not kid ourselves...He's been thinking about this since he signed with Miami and saw it on the schedule."
- Willie Colon

But enough of this meaningless crap. It's Friday - Let's talk about what the Steelers should do in order to prevail over the Dolphins...and I'd say I'm going to try not to make these obvious, but if I did that I'd be lying...so just read and enjoy.

OFFENSE:

• Hello, Running Game? ~ Are you there? It's me, Cotter. Could you please get going this week? This is like the 10^th time this season we've faced the league's worst run defense. You think you could maybe move the ball on the ground? With Willie Parker? I mean nothing against Najeh Davenport, but Dump is the #2 for a reason. Help us fans out and establish yourself so we can be effective throwing the ball and keep Ben off the ground as much as possible. That'd be super. Thanks...


• Arians, Let's Talk ~ Hey man, I dig your style from a philosophical standpoint and agree with you that some more 5 step drops might help Ben. But let's not forget the quick slants and outs. Maybe encourage Ben to take off if he's got nothing going? I applaud your rapport with our Godsend and that you've allowed him to become intimately involved in game planning. But let's also not forget he's only in his 4^th year. Sometimes he needs you to guide him. Anyways, look at it this way, if you can get the small ball going, the long ball will be all that much more effective. Oh yeah, and speaking of the long ball - without Santonio, we're going to have to rely a lot more on Nate Washington. But let's not ignore Willie Reid and Cedrick Wilson completely. They've both been non-factors this season, so maybe they'll be further off the defense's radar? Then again, who knows if they can catch the ball...


• See The Rush, Be The Rush ~ Jason Taylor, Joey Porter, Channing Crowder, Vonnie Holiday - the rush is going to be there. If Miami has anything, it's strong pass rushers. We know the Offensive Line isn't exactly an impenetrable force. So be ready. You have 3 seconds. Ben - get rid of the ball quicker. Receivers - understand Ben's predicament. He can't spend 60 minutes scrambling around with little help. I'm just thinking, and maybe I'm wrong, the majority of the rush will be coming from the edges. So Ben may have to step up in the pocket for once. Maybe that's not a bad thing. Just know that time is at a premium. 3 seconds, remember...

DEFENSE:

• I'm So Over The Prevent ~ Noting irritates me more than to see us playing soft, hoping not to give up a big play. Especially in the final minutes of close games (ahem ahem). Let's just play Steeler Defense. Rush the QB. Ike and Deshea, stick to Ginn and Marty Booker like glue. Casey Hampton and Aaron Smith eat up the Offensive Line. Assert yourselves like you were the #1 Defense categorically in the league last week. Don't make me come over there...


• Keep Your Eyes On Ted Ginn ~ Sure, we all laughed our asses off when the Dolphins picked him #9 overall but that doesn't mean he can't torch a defense. He hasn't really had the chance to get going yet, and a change to the younger, more prototypical John Beck might be just what he needs. Earlier in the season, there was Trent Green and Chris Chambers, then Cleo Lemon and Chris Chambers, now it's John Beck and Ted Ginn (and of course Marty Booker). I'm just saying, two rookies - they might be looking to establish themselves as a tandem. Hey, I'm really reaching to find things here...just go with it.


• There Will Be Someone Running The Ball ~ Or at least I think there will...Whether that is going to be Jesse Chatman, Ricky Williams or Patrick Cobbs is far beyond my knowledge at this point. If I had to bet I'd put my money on Chatman (will depend on his injury), who is actually the RB I fear more. Ricky's been out of the NFL for what? 2 years or something. Out of football altogether for at least a year? I have no doubt that he's in good condition, but the NFL is a whole different animal from the CFL and if he were to play I imagine he'd have some trouble readjusting, to the Steelers benefit. Nonetheless, if it is Ricky - Tackle! After watching Thomas Jones run all over us last week I'd be remiss if I didn't say it. Stop the run, let's leave it at that...should be easy enough, right?...uh...

"SPECIAL" TEAMS:
For the record, the word "Special" will continue to show up in quotes on One For The Other Thumb until they convince me they're able to cover and return kicks effectively. Right now, I think we all know what the objective is here. Ted Ginn is another dangerous return man - and already has one TD on the year (87 yards last week vs. Eagles for the 'Phins only score). So I don't know, maybe we short/squib kick it again this week? I don't really care how they do it but they can't give up big returns. In my mind, that's the equivalent of a turnover - free yards/potential points for the opposing Offense. Get the message -- Quit jaggin' around you jaggers...

So come on guys, let's respond to all the doubters. Show everyone that the Jets were just a bump in the road and that the REAL 2007 Steelers are able to bounce back from embarrassment and assert themselves on both sides of the ball once again. As toned down as this post may be, the Dolpins are still 0-10. Let's just settle down and get the job done. After all, we need a couple good weeks running up to December 9.

Now - What do you guys think about this game? Will Silverback have another multiple sack game? Will Big Ben stay upright for more than two plays at a time? What are the odds you'll find Ricky Williams under the stands lighting up a spliff? I really wanna know...let's have it!

Oh yeah and PS - Miami also has cheerleaders...


REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Miami Stats [Pro-football-reference]
More Miami Stats [ESPN]
Cameron Handling Tough Season Well [Miami Herald]
NFL Preview - Miami at Pittsburgh [Miami Herald]
Ex-Steeler Porter Out To Get Last Word [Miami Herald]
Dolphins at Steelers [Fox Sports]
Ricky's First Practice [Dolphin Digest]
Williams Takes Part In First Full Practice, Status For Monday Unclear [CBSSportsline]

Get Your Boot Ready - It's Joey Porter Week, Bitches...

"If you talk and lose, you're still losers."
- J Peezy

That was Joey Porter last November, in reference to the Steelers Week 11 square off with the Cleveland Browns and his favorite Tight End Wide Receiver, Kellen Winslow Jr. But things have changed for Joey just slightly between then and now. So with a bittersweet reunion at Heinz Field just 6 days away, where's Joey Porter at right now?

After committing a 5-year, $32 million dollar highway robbery this past March and starting the 2007-2008 season with his new team 0-10, Porter has reached a low point I'm willing to bet he never thought he'd reach. Articulating this with true Joey Porter bluntness, last week the former Steeler Pro Bowler said -

"I'd do anything for a victory right now...That's where I'm at."

Now, to me, these words don't just echo Joey Porter's frustration with his new team. They also underscore a bit of a scary prospect...Mainly that this game against the Dolphins, just like the recent Jets embarrassment, is a potential trap game. Simply put - Teams with nothing to lose and 10 weeks of frustrating losses are hungry, and not to be taken lightly.

Yes, the Steelers will be facing either a rookie QB in John Beck or a middle of the pack 4^th year guy in Cleo Lemon. And yes, the Dolphins are sans one monster running back in Ronnie Brown. And yes, they did use their 1^st round pick on receiver Ted Ginn Jr., a move poo-poo'd by just about everyone this side of Hong Kong including yours truly. But all you need is one play maker to step up, and last time I checked the Dolphins still have one of the best in Jason Taylor, who easily could be that guy. He's registered a team high 5 sacks this season, and let me just ask you this - Jason Taylor vs. Willie Colon and/or Kendall Simmons, who do you like in that match up? **

Anyways, I'll save the meat of my Dolphins preview for later in the week.

For now, let's just say I for one, am relatively interested in Joey Porter's upcoming return. The man who once told us all he had "something to say" to President George W. Bush has always entertained me, and it will actually be nice to see his face again. That is, provided I don't see it too often in the backfield...I like ya' Joey, but I don't like ya' that much...

In the spirit of this post, I ask you Steeler fans -- what's your fondest memory of J Pizzle?

COTTER'S FOND JOEY PORTER MONDAY NIGHT MEMORY:
Howard Dean Impression [Youtube]

** CORRECTION - Taylor will be rushing Marvell Smith and Alan Faneca. However, J Peezy will be rushing Colon and Simmons so not much relief...

Kellen Winslow Is Soft AKA - Thursday with Joey Porter...

You know what? In my bye week daze, I completely overlooked the fact that the Browns are facing Peezy and the Dolphins this weekend! Thank god for Joey Porter's mouth and penchant for talking shit, otherwise it would have taken me 'til Sunday to realize that the Joey-Kellen Winslow story is back in full effect.

In what I'm calling a desperate attempt to breathe ANY life into the Dolphins, who are still hungover from that 1st round Ted Ginn Jr. shocker, Joey is revisiting his "feud" with the Browns tight end this week, telling the media:

"He's a receiver, really...He's not a tight end, because he's not going to block anybody. I'm not knocking his game; he's a receiver.

And for the record, he would also like us all to know:

"If you ask me who's going to win the Joey Porter-Kellen Winslow battle: Me. He's not going to block me and stop me from doing anything I'm going to do."

I don't have much to say in response to that. Yes Joey, basically he is a receiver. A receiver who's probably going to burn your team to the tune of 8, maybe 9 catches for 110 yards and at least 1 TD. Don't get me wrong, by rite I have to hate him because he's a Brown. But you can't argue that he's not one of the best pass catching tight ends in the league. Now, you COULD argue he's got some pretty shitty judgment...but we all make our mistakes, right Ben?

Anyways, I'm not against admitting that I loved watching Joey Porter play, in his prime. But this is just another reason why I'm happy he's no longer with us. Joey Porter - a drain on another team's financial assets aka somebody else's problem. Enjoy that matchup Sunday, Joey...

Porter Renews Feud with Winslow [SI.com]

Read My Lips - Kellen Winslow Is Soft...

The floor will now recognize the esteemed delegate from Miami, Florida. What say you, Joey Porter?

Yes folks, it's your weekly Joey Porter update. He's left our team and city, but not our hearts (or maybe that's just me). Like his decline in on field production or not, there's no denying the entertainment value that is Joey Porter. Now that he's somebody else's problem, we can all enjoy him for what he is...a showman.

Never one to disappoint a media crowd, Peezy's latest appearance in the headlines involves him guaranteeing victory for the Dolphins this Sunday against the Raiders. Gee, what a bold and unprecedented prediction Joey! Listen man, I know the Dolphins have severely tempered expectations this year, but if you can't beat the Raiders (ahem ahem, Cleveland), I think you better pack it in for this season. Whatever improvements have been made out in Oakland, I just don't think they'll amount to a playoff run this season (can't say for subsequent years). So frankly, I think you BETTER beat Oakland Peezy!

Now, had he predicted he would have 2 sacks himself in Sunday's game, THEN I'd be impressed (by his boldness, not his play...cause we all know he would NOT be getting 2 sacks). But guaranteeing a win over a team that had the worst record in the entire league last year, eh, not so much.

Nice try Joey, but we're not buying it. By the way, how's the weather down there?

All Quiet On The Western PA Front...

I think it's pretty laughable that even though we jettisoned Joey Porter months ago, the mainstream media continues to write about him not being in Pittsburgh anymore like it's newsworthy (well ok, it's just one story but who's counting...certainly not me). I mean after all, it is training camp now. We've had plenty of time to think about it and most of us won't really mind not having to listen to Porter talk shit about everyone and their mothers. But who really cares what the fans think anyways, or at least that's how the Associated Press must feel...as I came across this story on SportingNews.com this morning, filed by the AP yesterday, about the difference between camp WITH Joey Porter and camp WITHOUT Joey Porter.

Cleverly titled "Joey Porter No Longer The Talk of Steelers Camp," the main thing they discuss is how Peezy will behave come November 26, when the Dolpins (and Joey) come to Pittsburgh. I think we all know that while Porter has maybe the loosest lips this side of Terrell Owens, he would never trash the Steelers. Even since he's been gone, the media have tried to push him into making negative statements about the way his tenure ended, but Joey has stood firm...and I actually applaud him for that. Maybe the first time in his life he's showed some self control.

Another point the article makes, more auxiliary to Porter's eventual return to the city, was that Clark Haggans will miss his former Colorado State and Steeler brethren now that he's departed from the 'Burgh for Miami. Frankly, this probably won't be a problem for Haggans much longer. Maybe he can even follow the Peezy Express down to Miami next offseason, when the Steelers are not likely to extend his stay in Pittsburgh. Though I should be fair, we don't really know what will happen with Haggans (despite the fact that I think I do), and truth be told I really do have a soft spot somewhere in me for Joey Porter. He's a giant pain in the ass, but I'll be damned if he isn't entertaining at times (Joey...Jerramy...Joey...Jerramy...see about 2:20 in). Plus, I don't really have a huge problem with Clark Haggans. He hasn't exactly been Greg Lloyd incarnate, but at least he's held his own better than most others might.

Regardless, kind of funny to see that this kind of storyline is still making headlines, and I do fully expect to see a media circus when Miami comes to town in November. Ought to be interesting.