Jeff Reed's St. Valentine's Day Massacre...

You know, I was really hoping to leave this week's Week In Review post at the top of the page until Monday. But thanks to Jeff Reed, it's gettin' the boot.

Here's all you need to know - [A presumably drunk] Jeff Reed + Sheetz + around 3 AM + empty paper towel dispenser = criminal mischief and disorderly conduct.

The moral of this story - Nothing good happens at Sheetz after 2 AM that doesn't involve Cheeseburgerz or Chili Mac and Cheese.

Now, carry on with your respective transferring of bodily fluids.

h/t Deadspin

Seriously though, if you haven't read the Week In Review, I strongly suggest you do. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Pop Quiz...

How many drinks has Jeff reed ingested already today?

Questions to ask yourself in coming to your answer:

1. Is he walking straight?
2. How much time did he spend on his hair this morning?
3. Is the absence of chicks significant?
4. Is the absence of his "Chillin' with my peeps" shirt significant?
5. When has Jeff Reed NOT been drinking?

Now, go!

Public Service Announcement...

Attention All Steelers fans:
Jeff Reed IS still drinking.

Carry on, now.

No Words Necessary...

God, it's like he's doing the work for me.

Best picture ever?

Best picture ever.

Wait, What's Up With Jeff Reed's Groin?

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Hold The Phone!

Nobody said anything about a Jeff Reed GROIN injury.

Is the Post-Gazette lying to me? Did I not read yesterday that it was a left calf muscle? So then, what is all this business about a GROIN problem?

Well, I guess this wouldn't be the first time Jeff Reed's groin has been big news. In fact, I think his nether regions have now surpassed OJ Simpson in the "frequently appearing in the headlines" category. So maybe the Associated Press just assumed too much...

Anyone care to clear this up for us? Is it a groin or a calf? And if calf, you think David Garrard would lend him a hand?

Disaster Averted?

Ok, fine. You guys don't wanna learn more about the subtle nuances of Cotter? I understand. I don't either. Here's your football post, then.

According to the Post-Gazette, Mitch Berger was readying his leg for a field goal at the end of Sunday's game because Jeff Reed injured his left calf muscle. And while he's expected to return for our next game against the Bangles, this puts me and Tecmo's prediction of a perfect season for Reed in severe jeopardy.

Imagine Jeff Reed WASN'T able to go on that final scoring drive. Approximately where would you place our chances of winning on the leg of Mitch Berger? And if Jeff Reed were to write a poem about this, how might it go?