Rodney Harrison Is Done Playing With Balls...

Yes, folks. Everything you've heard is true.

Rodney Harrison is finally retiring after 15 seasons of fun and moral turpitude with the San Diego Chargers and New England Patriots.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I'd say he was one of the best Safeties to ever play the game. That is, if he wasn't a big time dickhead and a steroid user.

I hear he holds some records like most sacks by a defensive back in NFL history.

I guess they conveniently forgot to mention that he also holds the record for biggest cock sucker.

Go figure.

All I've got to say about this clown is that it's awfully interesting that after being suspended for four games in '07 for steroid use, he only made it seven weeks through the '08 season before suffering a season ending muscle tear. And now, he's retiring.

But hey, I'm just being a dick.

The fact is, he missed just over half of the games over the last four seasons due to injury (and suspension).

Plus, I mean, at 36 years old, who really wants to destroy their body week in and week out when you've already got millions of dollars in the bank?

Besides Brett Favre, of course.

So anyways, good riddance.

Enjoy retirement.

10 bucks says you get fined at some point this season anyway.

Hard to keep a good man down, you know?

In other news, Ben apparently limped off the practice field today.

Before we all shit ourselves in fear, let's remember who we're talking about here...

And also that it's June 3rd.

Not to downplay this development, but we don't know anything about the extent. For all we know he could've stepped on one of the nails Silverback chews during practice.

Let's just hope for the best.

I'll update you when I know more...or you can watch NFL Network at 7PM if you're one of the lucky ones who can actually get NFL Network.

In conclusion, eff Cablevision.

Thank you, and good afternoon!

UPDATE: It sounds like Ben is fine and there will be no further updates. So you can all back off the ledge now.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Dear NFL..

So the "NFL" somewhat officially said yesterday that Ryan Clark's hit on Wes Welker was clean. Well, ok, specifically, NFL Ref Wrangler Mike Pereira said...

“A lot of people think it’s a foul to leave your feet...Launching is not a foul. There is nothing in the rulebook that states that at all...It is a foul to hit with your helmet against a defenseless receiver. It is a foul to throw a forearm into the neck or head area of your opponent.”

Now, I hate bitching about officiating. I've said it a million times. But I really can't ignore all the bullshit the Steelers have already endured this season. It's bad enough that James Harrison is held on probably 50% of the snaps, but we've been penalized on some pretty dubious calls for at least the last month.

So I've decided to pen an open letter to the NFL Front Office, one and all. You know, to really let them know exactly how this makes me feel. Take a read and feel free to share your own letter in the comments.

[BEGIN LETTER]

Dear NFL,
Thank you so very much for clearing Ryan Clark's name. I can't tell you how delighted we are to receive your blessing in this matter. But, you know, that does bring one question to mind - if Clark's hit was clean, then how come the Patriots got an extra 15 yards because of it?

I mean, either way, it doesn't much matter. James Harrison diffused that drive just a few plays later with his second sack and forced fumble, despite having been held for the better part of the game. But, like, well, even you yourselves just said, it wasn't a penalty.

Is this Hines Ward's fault? Just because a dude questions a fine, all of a sudden he and the rest of the team are under more scrutiny than Pac Man, ahem ahem, I mean Adam Jones?

Or maybe it's because Troy called the NFL a "pansy" league? What, like you weren't thinking it? This is football, man. They hit each other. When big dudes hit each other, sometimes they get hurt. But, you know, most of them are willing to subject themselves to it because, um, well they're getting paid millions of dollars a year. So I don't think you can really fault Troy for saying something like that in the face of all the fines you've laid out this year for otherwise legal hits.

Is this because of Steely McBeam?

I don't get it.

And I mean, honestly, could we BE getting any more penalized? It's been like there are 53 Kemoeatus out there all false starting at once, the way we've been going. If you're trying to send a message, you've been heard. Loud AND clear. But could you knock it off, already? We're in the middle of a tight divisional race right now, and we'd also love to keep a foothold on the #2 playoff seed, if at all possible. So if you would kindly remove your collective foot from our ass, that'd be awesome.

Oh, and please tell Patriot fans to shut their filthy mass-pieholes about this? Enough already from this fanbase whose team recently admitted to illegally videotaping opponents for the last few years. I think Clark himself put it best - "One of my favorite players in the league is Rodney Harrison. I really find it funny that a team he’s on is acting this way."

Sort it out.

Sincerely,

- Anthony Smith

...Just kidding, it's me, Cotter. xoxoxoxoxo!

[END LETTER]

By the way, Clark's destruction of Wes Welker's manhood has gained him the following related searches on Google...

"Ryan Clark hit" - I can only hope that someday, my destruction of Wes Welker will also gain me some such related search.

Any thoughts on any of this idiocy?

How's This For Bulletin Board Material...

Dear Friends,
That's the last time I want to hear the words "bulletin board material" uttered this week. I think after the last few days, I've heard the term enough to make me physically ill. May "bulletin board material" join the ranks of "at the end of the day" and "upside." I've heard enough.

That is all at this time.

Your friend,
Cotter

PS - Yesterday's Blog n' Gold has one hell of an idea for a drinking game to play this Sunday. I'll be shooting for the beer bong myself.