What, Me Worry Write A Morning Post?

Outlook not good.

You wanna know what's going on with the Steelers?

Trai Essex signed.

I'm sure you'll all now be able to sleep again.

Oh, and Marvel Smith is visiting the 49ers.

I have nothing funny to say about that.

If I'm lucky I'll get to a headline today.

But, unlike Anthony Smith, I can make no guarantees.

Should probably go pay attention to whatever this dude is talking about right now.

So I leave you with a challenge - Who can find the most ridiculous image and send it to my inbox?

And...go!

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AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Playing around on the internet is fun. I do it. You do it. And if we do it too much, it could make us blind (PS - this is probably not true).

So in that sense, I guess it's kind of like masturbation.

But as fun as it is to screw around on these here interwebs, some days that just doesn't play well with my schedule. Like pretty much everyday of my life, but today especially.

So here's your headline followed by a list of something. Hopefully this will suffice.

What am I saying, hopefully?

This will HAVE to suffice.


So Denver, let's take a step back for a second and look at the state of your football team.

Last season, you really defecated all over your sheets when it mattered most - letting the Chargers pound you like Michael Vick in a maximum security prison in a game that could have sent you to the playoffs, had you won.

But it wasn't like we couldn't have seen that coming. I mean, it's pretty tough to go anywhere when your defense gives up 28 points per GAME (only Seattle, Detroit and KC gave up more, by the way). Frankly, I think you're lucky to have even won eight games with THAT black eye on your resume.

Maybe if you played in a conference that didn't feature two of the biggest jokes in the NFL (three if you count Philip Rivers), you might have even gone 4-12.

Not important. What happened, happened.

As a result - or maybe it was a long time coming, I can't tell because I don't care - you fired legendary, Super Bowl winning Coach, Mike Shanahan.

Then, you hired the highly-fellated, but largely unproven (at least as a Head Coach) Josh McDaniels out from underneath the Empire and Dark Lord Belichick.

Now, conversely, one of the only guys I saw in a Broncos uniform last season who gave a shit wants out.

All things considered, I'd say say the Broncos have about as good of a shot at making lemonade out of these lemons as I do of one day growing anything you could accurately describe as facial hair.

Check it out, though. In just three short seasons, Cutler has already thoroughly proven everyone right who compared him to Brett Favre. Even when it comes to communicating with the front office...ish.

Now, as Steelers fans, I suppose all we can do is wait and see if all the Brady Quinn/Shaun Rogers to Denver rumors come true.

Whatever.

I'm done here.

Read these links or something...

Kunitz = Good decision. [PSaMP]

Steelers bringing in Moon and PSU alum, AQ Shipley [Trib]

You probably don't need to read this whole post to answer the question it poses, but you probably should anyway. It's pretty damn awesome [BTSC]

Torry Holt released by the Rams. Pick his ass up [Post-Gazette]

Trai Essex visited the Titans on Friday [Nashville City Paper]

You tell me how Mr. Rooney ISN'T going to be the next Ambassador to Ireland [KDKA]

The Boston Herald does something involving a look at the 32 teams in free agency. But the real value here lies in the comments. "Masshole" is not just a clever name, you know (Challenge - Figure out what they are even talking about) [Boston Herald]

Joey Galloway's grey beard signs with the Pats. Of course it does [ESPN]

And speaking of players there was a slim chance the Steelers might sign, Chris Carr signs with the Ravens [ESPN]

I said (in so many words) I wasn't going to rip on the Browns today, and so I won't [Associated Press]

Browns also talking to Bears' Tackle, John St. Clair [Chicago Tribune]

I've seen this before and I don't think anything good ever comes of it [FAIL Blog]

Obama fingers. I'd make the obvious joke, but I'm sure you can handle that on your own [Kiss 96.1]

Too bad this guy got pinched for selling happy pills at McDonald's. I could really go for some right now [9-to-Fried]

Apparently 27 is when old age begins. Great, now I know why I've already got white hairs. Thanks, science [Daily Mail]

I'm on this Blip.fm nonsense now. You can now listen to random songs that pop into my head in like a fifth place [Blip.fm]

Sidebar: Not like everyone else in the known universe isn't doing one of these, but if you wanna get in on the OFTOT March Madness bracket goodness, send me an email - onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com. This should be interesting...

In other news, send me some friggin' links!

/anger and stress levels are pushing maximum density today

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Friday = Time To Get JIGgy...

Two reasons to post this video. Three, actually.

1 - The Bengals signed JT O'Sullivan as the heir to Ryan Fitzpatrick's throne. Which I guess means that being the Bengals backup QB requires you to be of Irish descent. I mean, I can't see any other reason why they'd go from Fitzpatrick to O'Sullivan. Either way, no one gives a shit.

2 - There will be no Week In Review this week. This is because tomorrow is Hoboken St. Patty's Day. And suffice it to say - if all goes well, I won't be in any shape to be posting my thoughts on the interwebs. Actually, I hope to be knee deep in several hundred pints and several hundred hot drunken females. Someone keep track of my Tweets tomorrow. There are sure to be some good ones.

3 - Related to two - "Salty Dog" is easily one of my favorite songs to listen to on St. Patty's. Really, any day for that matter. And really, any Flogging Molly (or Dropkick Murphy's) song as well. But it takes on a more special meaning when played in connection with the inevitable shit show that is St. Patrick's Day. If you ever need to get yourself in the mood to drink and be merry, I'd recommend turning to "Salty Dog." There's never been a time in my life where I've listened to this song and NOT wanted to go run through a brick wall.

Plus, there's chicks in that video doing weird shit. And you can't really go wrong entertainment wise when you've got Flogging Molly, two weird chicks and a video camera.

Not that I would know anything about it...

Anyways, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start my weekend off right and threaten Cablevision for a few minutes. Note to anyone considering moving to Manhattan or the surrounding areas - eff Cablevision.

These pieces of shit will nickel and dime you out of every penny they can. Which is fine, and kind of expected. But, if you're like me and don't have a home phone, they'll also hound you constantly about buying their phone service. Nevermind that you don't actually own a physical handset that you might use as a landline, nor that you have absolutely no need for one because you have one of them newfangled cell phone contraptions, they will not take no for an answer.

Not to mention, when they come to hook up your cable, they'll steal the seat off of your landlord's bike. That is not a joke. That actually happened.

Cablevision = A class act

But then, I guess you can't really expect much from a company that's owned by the same guy that hired Isiah Thomas to coach the Knicks.

The next call I make is to Verizon. Fios up in this biotch!!

Anyways, this is the part where I usually post something funny to set the tone for the weekend. So, here's a little Friday action. Because there really isn't a more appropriate movie to enjoy on an actual Friday...

If this movie doesn't make you laugh, you are not human. Either that or you're German. Germans hate humor. It's in their DNA.

By the way, how this movie isn't on AFI's best films of all time list is beyond me. Someone needs to make a phone call.

Happy Weekend, friends. Use it wisely. I suggest drinking, followed by napping, followed by more drinking, followed by some heavy petting with members of the opposite sex. At least that's what I am hoping for.

Erin go bragh, jagoffs! This Irishman will catch you all on the flipside!

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