Alright, so check this out. I had this thing all written at like Noon yesterday. But because I'm a giant vag and refuse to post anything I haven't read 16 times to make sure I've said everything funny I possibly can, it was not posted. There's a good chance that may happen again today. Sometimes you just have to pay attention to your adult-ish responsibilities. And shit.
Anyways, if this isn't funny, I'm denying all culpability.
I'm not a machine, you savages...
So, putting aside the fact that the "Red Report" is the name of this Cardinals publication, I'm not sure if I find it more funny or miserable that there's actually a whole article wherein these clowns openly admit that the Cardinals want Steeler dong worse than Rosie O'Donnell wants a sexchange.
Anyways, I'm not really sure where I was going with this. I just saw it and posted it because it seemed relevant. And because unfortunately, as much as I might like to have spent the better part of my day surfing the intertubes, that's just not a luxury I was able to enjoy yesterday. As it was, I wrote this largely in the 15 minute break I had between classes yesterday morning.
...Ah, you know what. To hell with it. I'm not gonna waste your time with subpar, I haven't slept in three nights, bush league attempt at humor which probably wouldn't have been that funny anyway. Just go to the links.
By the way, there's a 70% chance that these links sweat this blog's nuts...
FACT - There are few things funnier than a Geno interview [PSaMP]
Gigler has some lofty aspirations for Dan Rooney's ambassadorship - bring U2 to Heinz. Nate has undoubtedly already friended him on Facebook [Blog 'n' Gold]
Now that Dan Rooney is an ambassador, he'll be taking a step back from running the team. Your move, Art II [Post-Gazette]
Jets block Browns acquisition of Abram Elam. Poor Mangina, now he'll actually have to evaluate some talent [Associated Press]
Like, I guess John St. Clair, who the Browns just signed [Associated Press]
They also signed Noah Herron. Some team that Mangina's assembling, huh? [OBR]
Peter King thinks it's either Bucs or Jets for Cutler. Good for him [SI.com]
Cardinals retain Clark Haggans' services. Good for THEM [Associated Press]
Ravens sign Eagles washout LJ Smith. Embarrassing fact of the day - I once drafted LJ Smith in fantasy. Epic bust [ESPN]
A Browns fan expresses his frustration at the state of the Browns affairs [OBR]
Tucked away in here - Derrick Williams hopes to show he's better than a 4th rounder. I'm sure he's not the only one... [Yahoo! Sports]
Barring anything that happens in the draft, Marc Bulger should have a fun 2009 [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
The only word that can accurately describe Geno is "animal" [The Pensblog]
Could the Pirates contend in 2010? Good question [WHYGAVS]
Video of Obama picking North Carolina...(PITT FTW!) [NESW Sports]
Best picture I've seen in a while. Also, Steve wrote some words [Steve Is Alive]
What a picture to caption! [Sports Crackle Pop]
I know I say this just about every day, but I really do have an unhealthy love affair with Carbolic Smoke Ball [Carbolic Smoke Ball]
I would love to do this someday [FAIL Blog]
Alkaline Trio/Saves The Day tour. Would I go see this? Most likely [Punk Rock News]
Seems like a lot of effort for someone who is quitting his job, but who doesn't like cake? [9-to-Fried]
I wanted to end this with some sort of YouTube video or something. But unfortunately, by the time I got around to posting this, I could barely see the screen. Let alone search YouTube for 45 minutes to find 30 seconds of someone falling off a roof. Besides, if I wanted to see that, I'd conjure up memories of Silky Johnson in college.
Go Blue Hens!
And lastly, you all are to be commended. I have a good cross section of ridiculous images. I could always use a few more. But no pressure. Just, you know, do whatever...
/I'm so sleeping right now
Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.