March 3, 2009

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

It's hard to be funny when you couldn't care less about something. Am I wrong?

Well, that's how I feel about this whole dog and pony show.

But I love a challenge, so I'm gonna give it a shot anyway. And hey, it can't really get much worse than what you'll find on 99% of the other sports blogs out there, so why the hell not?

Look Kurt Warner, we all know you're not going to sign with the 49ers. And look Arizona, we all know you want to re-sign Kurt Warner lest ye follow that Super Bowl appearance by descending back into the chasm of irrelevancy. So why don't we all just hug and get along?

Maybe you both oughta take a lesson from the band War...

Definitely one of the top 100 songs of all time. Unfortunately, the number of YouTube videos featuring the Smashmouth version is criminal. Hey YouTube, instead of worrying about protecting record labels, maybe you should make sure horrible cover versions of classic songs don't ever poison the ears of the world's youth. And you wonder why they grow up to be like Jeff Reed?

Anyways, I believe what Kurt Warner is trying to pull here is what is now known as the "Brett Favre method." Pretend to be interested in signing with a team that will throw all the money you want at you, but still sucks, in order to force the hand of the organization you really want to play for. Just stop it.

Come on, really, cut the crap.

Arizona - You are the most notoriously tight assed organization on the planet. Have you ever heard the phrase "you gotta spend money to make money?" In case you missed it, you actually have what could become a serviceable fanbase now. With Kurt Warner back at the helm, those ever-hopeful individuals will still believe the Cardinals have a chance at a title. But once you let Kurt Warner walk, forget it.

And Kurt Warner - Your career was just resurrected. For like the 8th time in the last 10 years. You're thirty-effing-eight, for Christ's sake. In Arizona, you have (at least for the time being) Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin and Steve Breaston. Not to mention a pretty solid O-line. Are you telling me you'd rather take your chances with Isaac Bruce's old balls (again)? You are aware that Mike Martz is no longer there, and this is not St. Louis circa 1999, correct?

Get serious, man. And while you're at it, maybe get your old brain checked for dementia. That shit is no joke.

Bottom line = There's gotta be a middle ground somewhere.

By the way, here's what else is going on in the world...

All I can say is - Man, that's bleak.

I particularly like how in the set of pick me ups you see directly above, one happens to relate to assisted suicide. Perhaps there's a hidden message here...

Which reminds me, I would've gone with the Jeff Reed story here, but as you'll see in the links, that hot mess has already been well covered.

And now, about those links...

Jeff Reed must be stopped [PSaMP]

Big Ben's pre-birthday Birthday party in Vegas [Mondesi's House]

More on Jeff Reed's antics... /smacks self in forehead [Busted Coverage]

Here's another mock draft that says the Steelers are going to take Alex Mack. I guess we all better go out and buy custom made Alex Mack jerseys now, right? Please! However, it does have the Steelers getting Phil Loadholt in the 2nd round, which I wouldn't mind happening one bit [Yahoo! Sports]

"Holmes receives star treatment in court." Sounds like Santonio's day in court Thursday was a total farce [Trib]

TJ Douchemanzadeh to the Seacocks. 4 years, 40 million bones. And they don't even have to train him to hate the Steelers [ESPN]

Redskins release Woodland Hills native Jason Taylor. Anyone could've seen that coming [ESPN]

K2 fired up to be rid of the mistake by the lake [CBS Sportsline]

Clark Judge really fanning the fire here [CBS Sportsline]

Bryant Johnson to the Lions. Who's their QB going to be, again? [Associated Press]

Keith's take on the Ryan Whitney trade [The Legend of Vincent Tremblay]

Dodgers secure Doug Mientkiewicz. CHAMPIONSHIP! [WHYGAVS]

This is almost exactly my same experience with Politics. Not that any of you care... [Have A Good Sandwich]

Ash Wednesday shenanigans. I sent out a text to some friends with a pretty sacrilegious joke, myself. I'm also an asshole, but whatever... [Carbolic Smoke Ball]

Finally a video game featuring the Burgh. Unfortunately, your task is to blow it up [Steve Is Alive]

I'm telling you - the value of the Snuggie is vastly underrated [Dug E Fresh Rants]

So wrong but so funny [FAIL Blog]

This, I just...there are no words I can add that will make this story any better. This is one lesson you don't wanna learn the hard way (and yes, I made that joke on Twitter as well) [Blog of Hilarity]

Two pieces of solid Punk Rock News today...
1 = Sublime "reunion" in the works?
2 = Beasties finishing up new album

Badass Bowie mashup from Sheena Beaston [Sheena Beaston]

Today's riffs theme = Songs With Chick's Names In The Title [Friday Morning Riffs]

PS - This is me wearing a suit today...

Cotter wearing a suit is like Lindsay Lohan eating actual meals. It happens from time to time, and every time it does I vomit.

Preliminary call - if you wanna be on this week's MPIE panel, drop me an email like it's hot -

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.


tiny350Z said...

Really wanna see the suit.
The Ravens have lost Jim Leonhard now, too.

And yeah - regular news is bleak. That's why I focus on free agency.

The comments on that Punk News thread are pretty funny, too!

Holly said...

Caliente, lawya.

joy said...

Dude. You broke out the big boy suit!

Cotter said...

I take my professional attire very seriously.

And you should know this, JOY!

joy said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yes, yes, how quickly they forget.

Get Fresh Designs said...

your tie is crooked.

matt said...

You shoulda gone with the winsor knot man.

Cotter said...

Matt, do you honestly think I know how to tie a winsor knot?

No. I do not.

I can hardly tie my shoes.

matt said...

sorry man, i had to wear a tie to school for 12 years