November 25, 2008

This Is Not 'Nam, There Are Rules...

Cotter's Rainy Day Rules (contextually limited to NYC):

1. Rain will usually be accompanied by wind.

2. Said wind will be blowing in a direction that allows the rain to fly diagonally under my umbrella, thus soaking me from the chest down. This leads me to firmly believe that no existing umbrella could shield my 6'2" frame from soakage.

3. I will almost always be listening to one of the following Snow Patrol tracks - "Open Your Eyes," "Chocolate," or "If There's A Rocket, Tie Me To It."

4. Some large number of assholes will have golf umbrellas that will inadvertently almost poke you in the eye. As a result, I have vowed that next time it rains, I'm using one of those parachutes from nursery school...you know which ones I'm talking about.

5. Chicks will be excited because they get to wear those cute rain boots they bought last weekend.

6. Even though rain above ground should have no effect on underground transportation, it will somehow screw up the Subway and PATH systems.

7. If you're planning on having lunch delivered, I suggest you order at 9:30 AM. Otherwise you won't eat until 3.

8. There will still be some douchebags wearing sunglasses. Probably on the Subway, too.

9. I've learned to always have an umbrella with me because on any given day, no matter how sunny it is when you leave in the morning, there's at least a 20% chance of rain (though some days it's me making it rain...HEYO!).

10. None of this would happen in sunny LA...[at least not in my mind, that is]

Care to share your Rainy Day Rules?

16 comments:

Sheena Beaston said...

#8 = I call lady douche on my part.

Can I help it if I hate when rain hits my eyeballs?

tecmo said...

Those parachutes ruled.

HOLD IT ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND EVERYBODY RUN UNDERNEATH!!!! YAY!!!!!!BOUNCE A BALL ON THE MIDDLE OF IT!!! YAY!!!!!!!


/oh, and snow patrol sucks
//sorry. i just hate them

Sheena Beaston said...

parachutes were damn cool

just not as cool as those squares of wood with wheel son them that we used to have relay races / get splinters from

joy said...

God, you're such a better ranter than I am.

I HATE the golf umbrellas that people use in town. It's a city sidewalk. Not a freakin' college campus, where you have a ton of space. Asshats.

Sometimes I wish we'd play those parachute games in the office. Like in 2A. That'd be awesome.

And finally, I was thinking that those weird bowl umbrellas, or the ones that are shaped like upside-down wine glasses would work for you?

Get Fresh Designs said...

I drive, so I don't have to walk in the rain very far. Which this just reminds me that I have to Rain-X my truck windows.

Rain-X is the best, the water just beads up and goes away!! It's amazing.

Vern said...

Rain is awesome. Because it means it's not hot anymore.


Oh...you mean rain outside of Florida? I forget what that's even like.

Cotter said...

sheena ~ You probably sleep with sunglasses on too, though. Am I right? I don't think I've ever seen you without a pair on your face.

tec ~ I wish I had one of those parachutes right now. Maybe I could bury myself in it and no one would know where to find me to ask questions.

joy ~ I totally thought of those monstrosities but frankly, the hit my image would take for carrying one isn't worth the dryness I could achieve.

doug ~ You think they make Rain-X for people's clothes?

matt said...

11. carry an extra pair of shoes, otherwise you're cold & wet all effin day. (like i am today)

joy said...

Heh. Not for nothin, but if you were a girl, you'd have several pairs of shoes already at work. :-)

random asshole said...

I guess I'm one of those #8 douchebags also. Woohoo!

Just be happy you weren't walking through Chinatown with the short elderly women who have to hold their umbrellas low enough that you can't not get poked in the eye.

At the very least, it's a good reason to be one of those douchebags wearing sunglasses...

shawnk said...

I doubt this happens in NYC, but in the places I've lived (SoCal, North Texas and Central Texas) on rainy days you always get the local news going crazy about "the storm". The local news stations send out all their scrub reporters to all the effected areas to give the "live" reports of the 1/2 inch of rain that has fallen. It is quite comical to watch, especially in SoCal.

tiny350Z said...

@shawnk
It was like that in Las Vegas too! Stuff would just shut down if it rained. Sewer system - non-existent. If it rained for a day, there would be lakes in intersections.

Lori said...

Rule: If you live in Cleveland, not just rain but ass falls out of the sky. Happened today...

Cotter said...

Was it Brady Quinn's ass, though?

Get Fresh Designs said...

screw law school, get on developing rain-x for clothes.

domski43 said...

i hate walking around people w/ umbrellas too. i swear one of these times i'm going to lose and eye and then go on a killing spree.