Ape > Tiger...

Lock your doors and hide your valuables, Pittsburgh, for the Cincinnati Bengals cometh. Yes, I'm sure this is the matchup you've been anticipating for weeks. You know, since the last time we played them, like a month ago.

What has changed for the dudes in orange and black stripes? Not a whole lot. They won a game against Jacksonville and kind of almost won a game against Philadelphia. But we're still talking about Ryan Fitzpatrick, Cedric Benson, TJ Douchemanzadeh and Queen Chad Johnson (UPDATE: Wrong. Chad Johnson will not be playing. He's been deactivated).


Only this time around, they're also missing the whole left side of their offensive line. The last time we played these jokers, we sacked that Ryan Fitzpatrick seven times. And that was when Levi Jones and Andrew Whitworth were both still healthy. So I can't even imagine what Silverback and The Wood will do to Fitzpatrick tonight.

Not only that, but the Bangles just went toe to toe with the Eagles Defense on Sunday. And say what you will about the tenets of national socialism Eagles, their Defense is pretty good...and physical. So, the smart money says they're probably a little banged up even beyond the two aforementioned lineman (not that we're not, but you know what I mean).

Either way, the Associated Press has astutely extrapolated the following headline from a Max Starks quote - "07 Loss to Jets Makes Steelers Wary of Bengals." Did I make the immediate connection? Nope. Frankly, I'm not even sure the AP did. But as it turns out, when we met the Jets last season, it was November 18 (today's the 20th), our record was 7-2 (we are, of course, currently 7-3) and their record was 1-8 (Cincy's is 1-8-1). Plus, their QB was backup Kellen Clemens, although HE had replaced Chad Pennington due to the fact that Pennington was playing worse than Trent Green the Concussed, while Fitzpatrick is starting for Carson Palmer the Great due to injury.

I just hope they don't try and pull a flea flicker like the Jets did last year. That shit was terrible. Embarrassing. And I had to sit there, surrounded by Jets fans screaming in my face about how bad they were and the fact that they had just successfully torched us with a 56 yard flea flicker on the 2nd play of the game. No joke, part of their dig was that their team was so far in the crapper, and yet they were still making us look like the St. Louis Rams. Of course, the worst part was - at that point, I had nothing to say. They were so right.

Anyways, do I see this Cincy game going that way? Nah, not really. I would hope we learned from that experience. Plus, this year we haven't been as blessed with health and success concurrently. Last season, if I remember correctly, we were completely healthy when we met the Jets. And not only that, we were enjoying a generous and perhaps a bit fraudulent record - having only beaten the Browns (twice), Bills, 49ers, Seahawks, Bengals and Ravens. This year, we've had a tougher road to sled what with our schedule and all the injuries. I think with the ups and downs we've had this season, hopefully it's helped us realize not to take anything for granted.

But all that aside, we haven't scored a touchdown in almost two full games (just under 7 quarters). Now might be the time to change that. You know how in basketball sometimes you just start laying brick after brick and if you move in closer and take a couple of easy shots, you get your touch back? Well maybe this is the football equivalent. Go in there, keep the Offensive momentum, but this time get six instead of three. God, I hope they score like 56 points tonight.

Now, your turn. The Bangles - What say you?