September 18, 2008

Boldly Going Where No Steelers Fan Has Gone Before...

Why, inside the mind of an Eagles fan, of course.

It all began with a punch in the nuts. I met Silky Johnson back in the year of our lord, two thousand and two, October I believe. It was clear from that moment on that we'd be friends. Of course, the punch in the nuts actually came later. Saint Patty's day of 2003, it was. And there's a story, but it isn't a good one. So I won't bore you.

Anyways, Silky is indeed one of my best friends. One of the only people in the world that knows just about everything bad I've ever done in my life. Which, of course means that should I become President, I pretty much have to put him on my cabinet. That's ok though, because I once saw him eat a footlong chili cheese dog in three bites. So I'm sure we can find a place for him as Secretary of Binge Eating/Being A Sloppy Mess.

But besides being a close friend, you all know, he is a lowly Eagles fan. And not just a fan, but an Eagles fan BLOGGER to boot. So in anticipation of Sunday's game, he and I decided it'd be fun to fire five questions at each other regarding our respective teams. What you'll read below is the sad sad result. Just keep in mind that you're dealing with a couple of certifiable idiots here. We're no experts, nor do we claim to be. Hell, we're bloggers. You get the idea.

What you see here are Silky's answers to MY burning questions about the Eagles. If you'd like to read MY responses to HIS burning questions, head on over to I Love It When A Plan Comes Together and peruse the epic fail that is my attempt at humor.

Without further ado...

Question 1 ~ Is Andy Reid's mustache the source of his almighty power? And relatedly, how would you assess his offensive play calling in the absence of Kevin Curtis and Reggie Brown?

Sadly, I cannot answer that question, for I am a legitimate member of the media (mediocre blogger). Coach Reid does not share such insight with us. Perhaps only someone within his inner circle can answer that one. I can tell you that some speculate that it comes from his power belt that he keeps tucked safely away. Others believe that his power is derived from the Reid family pharmacy.

As to the assessment of his play calling in the absence of Kevin Curtis Reggie Brown. I would have to say it's business as usual. We are going to throw the football. Throwing first, run second is standard operating procedure in the West Coast offense. It doesn't matter who is playng wide receiver, Andy Reid is still going to throw the football. Think about who has come through Philly as a receiver, beside T.O. Not a lot of house hold names huh? The only time that he has deviated from this was in 2006, and Jeff Garcia was our quarterback. He doesn't have the arm that McNabb has, so Reid reliquinshed control of the play calling to Marty Mornhinweg. Marty was Garcia's offensive coordinator in San Francisco.

Question 2 ~ Jim Johnson - How old is he, really? And also – Is Brian Dawkins getting too old? (PS – Tobiathan thinks so)

His NFL bio sites [sic] his birth year as 1941, but most historians place it closer to the end of the Jurassic period (Dinosaurs people). This is based on carbon dating naturally.

Is Brian Dawkins too Old? Well (Tobiathan, Cotter), No, is my answer. Is he still Weapon-X, an intimidating safety, That's debatable. I just posted about this yesterday. The biggest thing is that he isn't as fast as he was, say 3 years ago. He's got to make fewer mental mistakes in pass coverage, but pass coverage is not the only objective for the Free Safety position. The Free Safety needs to be strong in stopping the run. Brian Dawkins, is still great against the run. He's still able to make plays in the passing game as well. He leveled the boom on Martellus Bennett in Monday nights game. I refuse to believe that he is done. Roy Williams has always been a liability in pass coverage, and he was still a Pro Bowler last year. Perhaps the Eagles need to redefine his role. Dawkins doesn't believe that he's done either. My wish was that the Eagles drafted Kenny Phillips from Miami in the draft. He could have been the year as his understudy.

Question 3 ~ Brian Westbrook – Is there anything he can't do? How many TDs do you forecast he'll have by seasons end?

On a football field, I don't think so. While at Villanova he lost to the University of Delaware, by like one point. It was something like Delaware 28- Brian Westbrook 27. I expect Westbrook to score 40 touchdowns this season, 18 in week 15 against the Browns, and 12 in week 6 against the 49ers. Seriously though he could easily score 25 TDs.

Question 4 ~ How would you describe being an Eagles fan? What's it like? What's the mindset? What's the camaraderie like?

Have you seen the movie, "The Prestige?" In the movie there is a story about a sailor who almost drowned. He described it as being "Agony". Being an Eagles fan is agony. We are under tremendous pressure. We play in arguably the toughest division in the NFL (NFC East). Our divisional counterparts all have Super Bowl victories. The desire to win a Super Bowl, and compete in our division is stressful. We feel as if we are under constant pressure. We love our Eagles, and have high expectations of them. Compound that with our frustrations, and defensive posture makes us a Molotov cocktail so to speak. Our camaraderie, it's like having an alcoholic father, who's abusive. He's a great time, but get him in a bad mood, and he may take it out on his own flesh and blood. In the end, I know he's my dad, and he knows that he's my father. We still love one another!

Question 5 ~ Lastly - What advice would you give Steelers fans planning on attending this game? Additionally, would you like to apologize in advance for any shenanigans your Eagles loving brethren may engage in on Sunday?

Yeah, Here are some things to avoid saying:

1. Responding to hecklers with the following: We have (fill in the blank) Super Bowl rings. How many do you have? Any variation of this is unacceptable either.
2. Calling us the weakest team in the NFC.
3. Your fans are the worst, You boo'ed the drafting of McNabb, You threw snowballs at Santa Clause.

These utterances could warrant additional heckling, or beat down.

Under no circumstances are displays of Cowboy affiliation accepted. This will get your ass kicked!

NO, I do not want to apologize for any future transgressions that my brethren may engage in. We have a mystique that we must maintain. Take a trip down 95, come see for yourself.

That friends, is The Immortal Silky Johnson's guide to the Killadelphia Eagles. And in closing, I'd like to point out that Silky is also highly skilled in sleeping on my floor. Here's the visual evidence...

Not the first time and certainly not the last. I love this guy.

PS - I found it painfully ironic that I was watching the movie, "Invincible" whilst writing this post. Consequently, I think I have some issues my therapist has yet to iron out...add 'em to the list.


Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

Cotter: If you're going to be President, screw that dinky Cabinet appointmeent.

Put Silky Johnson on the Supreme Court!

Lifetime appointment!! Now that's what I'm talking about!!!

The Immortal Silky Johnson said...

Joey Porter's Pit Bulls ~ I've never met you, but like your name sake, I could give a big kiss on the cheek!

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

No thanks, Silky. But I'd be happy to tip a drink with you after the Steelers win on Sunday.

The Immortal Silky Johnson said...

Cotter ~ Did you hear that? Chief Justice silky!

Mr. Porter ~ More likely than not, I won't be at the game, but If I am it's a deal.

matt said...

Cotter - Dammit, I still need to get my tazer!

immortal silky johnson - not sure where in the parking lot we'll be tailgating, but rest assured I'll be only 1 of 3 steeler fans in the group. The rest are Eagles fans. We'll have to meet at some point.

Cotter said...

Dudes, sorry for the delay in know, work and stuff.

jppb ~ I'd do that, but the last thing that court needs is a battle between Silky and Scalia...Scalia vs. himself is enough.

silky ~ Man, you don't want that job, anyhow. No fun. I'm forecasting the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms in your future.

matt ~ You know, taser, or like, industrial tank is nice, if you can get it. I suggest you give Tobi-armed-to-the-teeth-athan a buzz. He'll hook you up.

tobiathan said...

You mean "Main Battle Tank" Cotter.

And thanks for the nod- i still think Dawkins is too old but Silky makes a reasonable argument. However: pretty much all the safeties in the NFL can cover the run. It's those pesky post routes and deep-threats that seperate the men from the boys. Dawkins has, on the other hand, played great during his career and has earned the benefit of the doubt in any circumstance.

Good artical this time.

tobiathan said...

I can't believe i actually just spelled "article" a-r-t-i-c-a-l.