August 28, 2008

And What Of William Cowher?

Service Announcement: Inspiration for the following post is brought to you by Sure, I wrote it. But it was their email giving me the betting odds on if Bill Cowher will coach in 2009 or not that pushed me to it. So if you hate it, blame them. Well, I guess they don't deserve ALL the blame. Beer and lack of sleep had a hand in that as well. Anyways, if you're a betting man/woman, go check out They seem to have a severe amount of things to bet on, including the subject matter of this post. And there went the product plug. Now that we've got that out of the way...

Bill Cowher. Crafton native. 15 years of terror in Pittsburgh, producing one Super Bowl ring and 10 Playoff runs. One of the most coveted potential Head Coaches for the past two seasons (this one and last), even if it was never said publicly. Many think he left the game because he was tired. Many think he left because he wanted more than the Steelers were willing to pay. Some even think that he left because he knew about the current Rooney tunes saga. I don't know about all that. But I do know that I can speculate on where he would go if this was 2009 and his phone came a ringin'.

As you'll see, below I've done just that. And I don't know anything about betting odds. So I've pretty much made up all of these numbers and have only a marginal idea of what they mean. In other words, I think I'm saying, this is solely for entertainment purposes. If Bill Cowher ever did return to Coaching, well, I hope Bill doesn't return to Coaching. Because I'd only want him in Pittsburgh, and in my mind that job is still strongly occupied by Mr T., Mike Tomlin. Anyways, Bodog's "odds" were (-130) for Yes and (Even) for No, answering the question - "Will Bill Cowher be Coaching in 2009?" So with that, I give you my guesses and the corresponding odds...

Deep breath.



1 - Houston or Arizona | Odds = 5 to 1

Yes, I'm combining them, because listen, when are the Houston and Arizona jobs NOT available? If Ken Whisenhunt thinks he has 10 years to build that team he's sorely mistaken. When your team hasn't seen action in January for a decade, the natives can get restless. I give him two more 5-11 seasons, tops, before enough's enough. Anyway, so that's why Houston and Arizona. I think the odds are probably the same for each, but talk to me in 2009 and maybe that'll change. Not if the Cardinals don't figure out the Anquan Boldin situation it won't, though. NEXT!

2 - Detroit | Odds = 20 to 1 (10 to 1 if Jon Kitna's the QB)

Detroit. Yeah, sure. Why not? They haven't exactly been a perrenial contender of late. And while it seems like Rod Marinelli is making nice nice with Matt "Daniel Snyder School of Drafting Graduate" Millen, I have a hard time believing he has any longer a leash than The Whiz out in AZ. Now, I highly doubt Millen would see a personality match in Cowher. But if he did, Detroit is a blue collar town. Lots of guns. But a hard working people comprising that fanbase. And hey, maybe, just maybe, Cowher might be able to teach them how to run the football. Novel idea.

3 - Carolina | Odds = 35 to 1

This has been the consensus pick as to Cowher's potential destination since he retired. He went to College there, he's got a home there, they've got lots of hot southern belle chickadees running around (well, maybe that wouldn't factor into his decision but it's true). What's not to like if you're Cowher? Well, call me crazy, but I just don't think this is going to happen. John Fox is the Panthers' longest tenured Coach (with a whopping six years of service), despite a couple of 7-9 seasons and a couple of 8-8 seasons. I guess it's a definite possibility and seems like a good fit. But I'm downplaying it because I just don't want it to happen. Sort it out for yourselves.

4 - Cincinnati | Odds = 112 to 1

I don't see much of a way this could ever work out as long as Chris Henry's on the roster. But nevertheless, I don't see the Bengals looking competitive at ALL this season and in fact, I'd project a 4-12, possibly 3-13 season for them. Which would mean Marvin Lewis may have finally wore down that patience machine of an ownership. So being an old AFC North rival, the Cincinnati brass might look in ol' Cowher's direction. But frankly, I don't think there are enough greenbacks in the world to make this happen. Plus, Cincy doesn't really worry about mediocrity, as evidenced by their sub .500 record seven out of the last 12 years.

5 - Cleveland | Odds = NOPE!

No. This cannot happen. I refuse to even indulge the thought. /plugs ears and closes eyes and hums...

And there you have it. Five potential options if the unfathomable should happen and Billy Cowher makes his triumphant return to Coaching.

Feel friend to let me know your thoughts in the comments...

PS - apologies for the subpar photoshops...I only have so much time now that law school is back in full swing and work is still kicking my ass.


Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

Carolina owner Jerry Richardson is close personal friends with Dan Rooney, so I don't think it's going to be the Panthers.

Cincy coach Marvin Lewis is definitely on thin ice, but I don't see Cowher kowtowing to cheapskate owner Mike Brown.

What about the Redskins? A definite maybe, considering erratic owner Dan Snyder's appetite for publicity and penchant for (trying to) make a big splash. But Snyder also has a reputation as a meddlesome owner, and that wouldn't jibe with Cowher.

That leaves Cleveland. It's where Cowher played and started his career in coaching. Plus, the Browns have a tough schedule this year and have shown cracks already. Cleveland media are reporting the ballyhooed offseason acquisitions on the defense look terrible. And Derrick Anderson will be hard pressed to repeat the success he had in 2007. Worse, expectations are sky high for the Browns and head coach Romeo Crennell. If the Browns falter badly, and I expect they will, Crennell will be axed. In that scenario, the Browns will turn their lonely eyes to William Laird Cowher. And he will happily accept, drama queen that he is, and eager to skewer a Steelers franchise that he feels didn't give him the pay or respect he felt he deserved after winning Super Bowl XL. So, it'll be Cleveland. Sorry, Cotter.

domski43 said...

JPPB - I hope you are wrong.

Cotter - good work on the photoshops..these will come in handy when/if Cowher returns.

If there was a team on this list I wouldn't mind Cowher going to it would have to be Carolina. From the looks of their team this year they should be much improved, but if they underperform I can see Jon Fox (not to be confused with Jon Fox, graduate of U. of Delaware 2004) getting the axe. And Cowher will be the hot candidate for the job.

stillerfan said...

No way Cowher goes to the 'skins for this reason: good friend Marty already tried that and was hosed. No way this happens as long as Snyder owns the team, which is probably the rest of my lifetime.

There is also no way he goes to Cleveland and tarnishes his 15 year legacy with the Stillers. This is nothing more than a fantasy of championship-starved Cleve Brownie fans. He's more likely to return to the Stillers than to ever coach the Clowns. Distraught Stiller fans would hunt him down.

The Immortal Silky Johnson said...

I'm sure that you would prefer that he go to Carolina, or Arizona. Then, at least he wouldn't be coaching in your conference.

Everyone- Check out the article on about pressure defenses.
Pressure Defense

The Immortal Silky Johnson said...

It's got Dick LeBeau as one of the featured coordinators.

Cotter said...

jppb ~ Wow, that was a great, well thought out comment. Unlike the post it was related to, which was composed with complete disregard for substantive value. You really think Cleveland? I just can't even imagine that...mental block...

domski ~ Thanks for the photoshop love! Definitely not as fine a job as I could have done if I had more time. But they're serviceable. As for Cowher to Carolina, I probably wouldn't mind it, but I still don't want it to happen for other reasons. And as for Jon Fox the 2004 UDelGrad, well, maybe his brother could teach Panthers' tailgaters how to make a badass grilled cheese in the back of their vans while they follow Phish across the country...inside joke for the rest of you, I know (sorry).

stillerfan ~ Thanks for the comment! I definitely see it your way on all counts...Cleveland affiliations aside, how could Cowher ever maintain any self respect while Coaching the Browns? Well, I guess if they paid him an upwards of $8 mil...

silky ~ Thanks for sharing, brother! I'll have to check that out...good thing they included LeBeau. I think his picture is next to "pressure defense" in the dictionary, actually.

Anonymous said...

I hate to add more fuel to this fire, but...I know it to be a fact that Mr. Cowher spent several days in University Park, PA in the spring (That's Penn State University). I also know that he spent a majority of his time with Mr. Curley (AD). JoePa is 1000 years old. Cowher Power in Happy Valley? Maybe.

domski43 said...

anon - that would be awesome if "the chin" was trolling the sidelines of psu

Cotter said...

Cowher to PSU? Wow, that would probably be the most random thing ever. But I imagine it would counteract some of those discipline problems pretty well.

Jeff-NJ said...

Cowher is a great inspirational speaker, but a terrible head coach.

I was glad to see him go. And, anyone who gets this over-rated coach will be sorry!