April 1, 2008

Happy April Fools...You Fools...

I don't know about you guys, but frankly, I'm not reading any compelling Steeler-related news this morning.

So being that it's "April Fools Day" I thought I'd try exercising a little creativity here for a change and throw together some scenarios I could have written about to fool you all on this day of all foolery (PS - what a ridiculous premise...a day on which you try and fool people? Doesn't the fact that everyone knows it's April Fools Day negate most of the surprise?).

So enjoy my feeble attempt to play Judge Rufus Peckham here, and read the products of my active imagination below...and feel free to add anything you can dream up as well.

In no particular order:

1. Steelers Trade Big Ben to Tennessee In Exchange for Pac Man Jones ~ Steelers President Dan Rooney quoted as saying, "Hey, if he can make the Pro Bowl, we'll excuse all indiscretions (see James Harrison)."

2. Troy Polamalu Pre-empts League Ruling on Excessive, Flowing Hair, Gets Circa 1990 Kid n' Play Do [See picture above] ~ Said the Pro Bowl Safety, "House Party was the shit man. If you didn't like that movie, you're obviously on crack."

3. Browns Continue Offseason Splash, Acquire Chad Johnson from Cincinnati in Exchange for Brady Quinn ~ Quote Bengals Coach Marvin Lewis, "We hope he will be a natural fit at Linebacker for us. If not, nobody holds a clip board better than Brady."

4. Recognizing The Inevitability, Steelers Set Max Starks Free ~ "We hope Max will be really happy out in Arizona," said Steelers President, Dan Rooney.

and finally...

5. Former Steeler Joey Porter Admits to Torrid Love Affair with Former Coach, Bill Cowher ~ Never at a loss for words, Porter commented, "Come on, tell me you wouldn't do him?"

Moral of this story - Cotter is NOT funny today. Sorry guys, I'll do better someday. One day...

Happy not holiday April Fools Day!


- C

PS - These are all meant solely as entertainment. Please do not confuse my attempt to inject some sarcastic humor into things as assholishness. With particular respect to the first and last items above, in no way do I condone deviancy or discourage homosexuality. I both disapprove of criminal behavior and have love for everyone equally, regardless of sexual preference or any other characteristic that would put one in the minority. As a wise movie once put it, "Be excellent to each other." Cheers.

Ballhype: hype it up!


Marc said...

News Headlines:
-Jeff Reed goes chaste
-Pirates have winning record (shit that's actually true)
-Steelers move to Alaska for tax purposes
-Cards sign another Steelers castoff (shit again, they signed St. Pierre!)

Cotter said...

Jeff Reed goes chaste, ha! That's a good one. That's like saying the Pope is converting to Judaism...maybe not comparable, but you see where I'm going.

Christy said...

An even better one was "Pirates have a winning record". Hahahaha! I almost fell out of my seat.

tobiathan said...

"Be excellent to each other"?


domski43 said...

Lets go bucs!!!

Cotter, you are so insensitive...its time to grow up.

The Immortal Silky Johnson said...

Oh Bill, won't you woo me with that disapproving scowl?