This Post Is Guaranteed To Let You Down...

The Oscars were last night, which means several things.

First, and most importantly, it means some sports blog out there is going to write a post this morning, cleverly comparing last night's winners to a bunch of professional athletes. This is the most original idea ever. This has never been done before. I can't wait to see how right I am.

Second, the fact that I watched them means I'm getting old. Traditionally, I used to be against watching this gayness. But as many of you know, one of the rites of passage of advancing adulthood is watching the Oscars, whether you care about who wins or not. Anyone over the age of, I'd say, 25, is pretty much obligated to watch this mess, myself included.

Third and relatedly, this year I realized something. I realized that there's actually more motivation to watch the Oscars when you don't care. I mean, like them or not, when are you ever going to get that many famous people in one place to hate on? My TweetDeck read like the back pages of an US Weekly last night (and yes, that may be the gayest sentence I've ever written).

Here were some of the more entertaining offerings...







Seriously, what was up with the Coldplay? Who'd they blow to get that kind of air time?

There were a lot more good ones later on in the evening, but I got tired of taking screen shots after I took those four. You can imagine where it went from there.

It appears they had a top notch Security team running the red carpet...

Drugs are bad, mmmmkay?

I joked last night that I was supposed to be Penelope Cruz's date, but I stood her up so I could write on my blog...

Moral of this story = I'm the only joke here.

I'm not really sure what to say about this...

There are so many things I COULD say, but I think that dress says it all.

Mickey Rourke has a silver tooth...

I guess silver teeth aren't just for The Pirates of the Carribean anymore?

Sophia Loren and Abe Vigoda are racing to see who can exist the longest...

Me thinks Sophia Loren may have lost some ground lately.

I'm pretty sure Emile Hirsch's date was a dude...

No hard evidence to support that, though.

Holy shit, look at how big this guy's forehead is...

That's an aggressive brow!

Whatever you do, don't stare directly into Tilda Swinton's eyes...

As usual, she looked like a dude.

Get a load of this guy's face...

HAHAHAHA!!! That's the only thing you can say to that.

Oh, and I hear that Slumdog Millionaire movie sucks.

Anyways, all things considered, I'd say I had a nice weekend. Did a lot of reading. Screwed around a little. Drank two solid Brooklyn Brewery beverages...

What's not funny about this is - There goes my disposable income for the next two weeks.

I also played around in Photoshop a little. I've been trying to work on a redesign of the blog, including a new header, and for some reason, I was sitting on my couch on Saturday and it hit me. Who's got one of the most famous thumbs-up poses in the history of the universe?

The Fonz, of course. No idea why I thought about the Fonz. No idea where that came from at all. But there it is. So then I thought - What other pictures of people giving a thumbs up could I use for some new goodness?

The following is what I came up with...


I erased this image from my hard drive (and my brain) and was too lazy to download this copy to photoshop the ring in, so...yeah. Oops.


I'm sure some of you will be tempted to make a comment about Rich Rodriguez. Don't bother. He's in Michigan. He can't hurt you anymore.


This is the Buddy Christ. But then, if you've seen Dogma, you already knew that. Religion, eff yeah!





Banana hammock.

Domski told me to design a ring since the Steelers haven't gotten their XLIII rings yet. But that sounded like too much work. Photoshopping someone's head on someone else's body is one thing, designing Super Bowl rings is a whole different story. One that I'm not even getting into. So I just used the XL ring instead. I'm sure you'll forgive me.

Here's a picture of a hot chick wearing a Lemieux jersey...

No real reason for that other than the fact that she's hot and she's wearing a Mario Lemieux jersey.

Lastly, I made it through the 1st round of Sean's Best Pittsburgh Sports Blog Tournament. Which means starting today, I'm up against Empty Netters in the Sweet Sixteen round. Since I know my chances of winning this are about as good as a cupcake's chances of survival at Romeo Crennel's birthday party, I'm not going to make a whole lot of noise about you voting for me. But if you feel like it, head on over and give me a nod. I'll high five you after.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The combine was on all weekend. I didn't get to see any of it, because I was too busy learning the federal rules for introducing hearsay evidence (and cutting myself). Also, because I don't get NFL Network. But mostly that first part.

I heard AQ Shipley was making some waves, though...

If that picture's any indication, it looks like he's fired up. Moon Tigers.

So, did you guys catch any of the combine? How was it?

PS - Tec's got some new digs. You should probably go check them out. This is a banner moment. For both man, and mini pony, kind. Now, go.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Nobody Talk to Michel Therrien Today...

Hit play...

Well, I'll get to him shortly, but I might as well start with the big news first.

It's official - I am now friends with three of tiny350z's cats on Facebook.

This is significant because...
A. She put her cats on Facebook
B. She has THREE cats

But in the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that I've got Nikki on Dogbook, and I initiated this whole thing when I invited tiny to befriend the Snikster. Still, three cats, dude.

Nah, I'm just kidding. In fact, if any of the rest of y'all have cats on Facebook, I'll be happy to be their friend too.

Speaking of Nikki, here's what she did this weekend...


And here's what I did...


PARTY!!!

Anyways, so the Pens fired HCMT? Jesus. I mean, I guess heads had to roll, but was now really the right time?

Bob Smizik agrees with the decision. Of course he does.

It's times like these that we need to band together and remember fonder days...

Sorry, I couldn't help it. That video gets me every time.

Almost as good as this one...

If only everyone else was as amused by my idiocy. Oh well.

Bret Michaels was flossin' the Steelers hat last night on Rock of Love Bus...

And yes, I did have to look up the word "flossin'" just to make sure I was using it properly. New goal for my life - become famous enough that I can get my own reality show wherein really hot [ish] chicks fight over who gets to sleep with me every night.

Steelers likely to bring back Max Starks?

Cool.

This Jeff Reed nonsense?

Did not even get arrested. Got a citation. **Yawn** If you've never been cited for something at 3 AM in your life, you haven't really lived. He'll pay the ticket, apologize to the poor employee whose virgin ears he penetrated with his evil profanity, and that'll be the end of that. But what if instead of making him pay a fine, they made him work at Sheetz?

You know, like on Seinfeld when George had to become Jerry's Butler. Of course, I guess that might be more of a punishment for Sheetz's customers than it would be for Jeff Reed. But I'm just spitballin' here.

The NBA had their "star-studded All-Star weekend" this past weekend. You may have tuned in for the dunk competition on Saturday night, or at least you may have seen the highlights from it. If so, you know that the real battle was not on the court, but courtside, where Lebron James and Dwayne Wade were in a fierce competition for the title of "Most Ridiculous Outfit."



I guess because neither was actually IN the dunk contest, they felt they had to still be the center of attention somehow? Interesting choices.

Then again, what do I expect? It's basketball.

Oh, and for the record, Dwayne Wade massacred Lebron.

Marshawn Lynch got popped this weekend for carrying a loaded piece around L.A...


Have we learned nothing from The Big Lebowski?


/shakes head in disappointment

And that's all I got. You guys do anything constructive with your weekends? How many cats do YOU have on Facebook? That's a good place to start.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.