Showing posts with label Cris Collinsworth Has No Balls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cris Collinsworth Has No Balls. Show all posts

January 22, 2009

Dude, Come On...


Holmgren added to NBC's broadcast coverage of the Super Bowl?

What's the over/under on number of times he makes passive aggressive references to the Steelers being handed Super Bowl XL by the refs?

This must be stopped.

Steely McDevil?

That's your cue.

At least he'll be in equally douchey company...

That's it, I'm muting that shit hard.

November 21, 2008

Cris Collinsworth Approves Of Your Performance...


Well, alrighty then. We took care of that one, now, didn't we? I mean, I would've thought the score would be like 48-0, but I'll take 27-10. I gotta give it to 'em. The Bengals were really trying to win that game for a while. And in all honesty there were a couple of points where I started to get a really bad feeling like we were going to let a 1-8-1 team, missing one of its top receivers, among others, back into that game. But we didn't, really. And we got the win. So all is well in Steeler Nation today.

Or is it?

What happened to Willie Parker? A "tweaked knee?" That. Ain't. Good. And what about Brett Keisel? A sprained knee? I mean, that ain't legal good either. Ugh. Oh yeah, and Santonio has a concussion. That must be fun for him. But he did get ROCKED. So I guess we should be glad he's not hurt worse.

That all aside, we can at least enjoy this win a little bit. Ben's statline wasn't quite as robust as last week in certain areas (though it was great overall), but he did improve in one key area - TDs, running one in from eight yards out, and throwing one in to HEATH!!!, who surprisingly was an integral part of the overall game plan for once.

And while I thought we could have won this one by a few more, I can't really complain about the overall performance, considering we only had like three days off to prepare. So without any further bullshitting, let's run through the "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were Not Awesome," and "Things That Made Me Want To Punch Cris Collinsworth In The Face" (which, to be fair, I would have wanted to do even if nothing bad happened, but I'm gonna go with it anyway).

Things That Were Awesome
1. Willie Gay looked pretty damn good last night. Hooray for Gay!
2. Mewelde Moore - 15 carries, 56 yds, 4 catches, 44 yds and a key part of winding that game down in the 4th quarter. Bravo, Memo.
3. A couple of successful screen passes? Surely Bruce Arians could not have called this game?
4. Aaron Smith - THREE passes defended! That's what I'm talkin' about!
5. Upside Down Dogs...I'm literally laughing out loud right now.
6. The soundtrack for this post.
7. Troy Polamalu is a monster! Ridiculous game and another pick.
8. ZERO offensive turnovers. Two weeks in a row, yay! We're making progress.
9. Aw, Gary Russel's first TD. Our boy is growing up so fast.
10. James Farrior - EIGHT solo tackles, to lead the team. Dude is Thirty. Three.

Things That Were Not Awesome
1. Nate Washington pass interference. I mean, it kind of looked like the DB ran into him, but damn that sucked.
2. ONE sack? Against a line that had two rookies starting on the left side?
3. Cris Collinsworth. And just because. No real reason necessary.
4. Letting Ryan Fitzpatrick drive the Bengals 58 yards in less than a minute on the Bengals last drive (at least Troy ended that one).
5. Letting the Bengals score at all. How was that game not even more lopsided?

Things That Made Me Want to Punch Cris Collinsworth in the Face
1. Keisel's injury.
2. Limas "Hands Team" Sweed getting knocked into the football on that kickoff. This isn't basketball, man. They're allowed to hit you.
3. Earth to Bruce Arians, that reverse call? Yeah, knock it off. That shit is worthless.
4. Illegal block out of bounds on a punt? Who? Why?
5. Paul Ernster (Pornster) - You sir, are fired. Make it happen, Tomlin.

Oh, and one more big fat sack of shit thing -- The internet feeds of the game on channelsurfing.net and justin.tv. You all, can suck a dick. If you're going to broadcast something like a football game, and a Steelers game at that, you better make sure your feed is immune from everything! I actually might have murdered "justdonate" if that dude's feed had screwed up one more time. Do not incur the wrath! But, you know, thanks for broadcasting...so I could actually see the game...which reminds me...

I guess we've really got the NFL to thank for that one. Listen up, dick mongers. Screw you and your bullshit channel. As if you don't make enough money off of merchandising, licensing, and fining the Steelers, you've gotta make your network only available on certain cable/satellite providers and require people to pay extra for it? Give me a break. You and your channel can go get effed. Seriously.

Anyways, with that win, we move to 8-3 on the season, a full two games ahead of those Ratbirds from STDmore. At least until Sunday when they face the Illadelphia Donovan McNabb Circus Show. Let's hope the Eagles are so thoroughly embarrased by the fact that they tied with, and almost lost to, the Bengals that they come out and destroy the Ravens. Just absolutely dismantle them. That, friends, would make me very happy. So Andy Reid, if you're listening, cut that 'stache, first of all, you dick. Makes you look like Holmgren's fanboy. That or the Wizard of Oz. Second of all, quit jaggin' around with the ball and put it in the end zone. Ride the Don-o-van to victory. Your in state brethren need you. Do your civic duty.

So guys, what do we think? Thumbs up? Thumbs down? What were your Awesome, Not Awesome and Collinsworth face-punching worthy moments?

August 6, 2007

Cris Collinsworth Admits He Is A Pussy...

What a way to start things off last night! As I'm sure the majority of you saw and have probably even already read about, the Steelers prevailed in dominant fashion 20-7 over the New Orleans Saints. Yes, it was preseason, but that shouldn't diminish the affirmation of our belief that the Black n Gold are headed for a very successful 2007 season under the Master, Mike Tomlin.

Some memorable/meaningful/exceptional moments as I saw them:

1. Cedric Wilson -- backed up every word he's uttered over the past week -- After talking all that stuff about the Steelers not throwing him the ball enough, Wilson caught 4 passes for 99 yards and was the leading receiver in a game emphasizing the new look Steelers offense.

2. LaMarr Woodley -- started for the injured James Harrison (and in turn the injured Lawrence Timmons) and showed his athletic prowess knocking down a Drew Brees pass as well as contributing to a number of tackles. Very nice.

3. Carey Davis -- Who the F is Carey Davis and where did he come from? Am I wrong in seeing flashes of the Bus in him? Might be a viable 3rd down option if he can run like he did last night in a regular season game (granted he did it against the Saints backup Defense). What I liked was that even on his first carry he fought for the yards! He had three or four defenders on him and refused to go down even though it was preseason. Like that work ethic. Still, it would be tough to supplant either Kevan Barlow or Verron Haynes for that spot.

4. William Gay -- Did you see that hit he put on the Saints first rounder Robert Meacham? Welcome to the NFL both of you! Meachem, get ready to get hit like that more often and Gay, I hope you can lay down hits like that just as often. I'll take that kind of work any day...NASTY D.

5. Cris Collinsworth -- As the title of this entry eloquently puts it, Collinsworth admitted he was a pussy to a national audience...well, not exactly...but if you didn't catch it, Collinsworth admitted that Jack Lambert used to scare him even in pre-game warmups. While I'm sure he's not alone on that point, I was amused to hear him say it. For those of you who don't know, I hold Cris Collinsworth in a very low regard. I think he has unnecessarily shit on the Steelers in the past and hope we don't have to listen to him very often this season...for that matter, I feel the same way about Phil Simms.
Also, here's a nifty little stat for you: Pittsburgh out-gained New Orleans 305-56, including 205-32 in the air!

So what can we say about the Steelers in 2007 (yes, based on one preseason game)? 2006 was a fluke. We'll be back and even better with a revamp of the offense and a reinvigorated and young defense. Can't argue with those results from last night. Though their longer term implications could be debatable...

That all said, was I dreaming or did Jeff Reed really miss a 40 yard field goal (how long was it really? I wasn't paying that much attention)???