AFC North Headline Of The Day...

First of all, my apologies for the tardiness of this post. Usually on Wednesdays I get these fiends up around Noon. But today, one of my professors insisted on standing right behind me for almost my entire class. So I couldn't very well let him see me writing my blog while I was supposed to be listening to him propound about Trumping Provisions.

Sidebar: Vomit.

So, a seven year contract for Ray Lewis, huh?

Maybe it's just me. Maybe because I'm used to the Steelers releasing players in this type of situation. But SEVEN YEARS for a 33 (soon to be 34) year old, clearly declining, former murderer?

Which reminds me...


Anyways, it's not really a seven year contract, since the Ravens have options after his 2nd and 3rd contract years, if I understand it correctly. But it's funnier if you ignore that reality and assume that they're just smoking some of that world famous Baltimore crack. Or that the Syphilis has finally invaded their brains. Either way.

There is one thing I legitimately can't understand about this, however. You didn't want to re-sign 28 year old Bart Scott, but you'll commit $50 million to Ray Lewis' old balls!?!?!?!

FAIL!

How much do Terrell Suggs' gums make again? Oh yeah, franchise tag. If I were him, I'd be fired up about this. But then, I doubt Terrell Suggs has any idea of what's going on. Shit, he's gone 26 years without getting oral surgery. I think it's safe to assume he's not the most astute fellow.

Well, I guess this means at least a few more years of Ray Lewis douching it up in the AFC North. Which I suppose is better than a few more years of some other people in the AFC North douching it up (see: The Browns).

That said, guard your children carefully, because Ray Lewis dines on Fetuses. I have proof...


Also...

Completely unrelated. I know. Sue me.

On another completely unrelated note - there's a super hot chick in my drafting contracts class...BUT, she's married.

They always are. **SIGH**

Like Ray Lewis' contract, these links are also incentive laden. So you should read them...

The Bus has his own Cuervo...complete with a badass picture of him on the packaging [PSaMP]

That dude, Chris Carr, is rolling through today. BIG NEWS! STOP THE PRESSES! Whatever. Call me if he signs. Then maybe I'll care [Post-Gazette]

A primer on the wide receivers in the upcoming draft that might fit the Steelers [SteelCityInsider]

Aw, isn't this cute - the Titans think Nate Washington will be their savior. People in Tennessee must not get out much [The Tennesseean]

Peter King thinks Quan's gonna go to the NFC East [SI.com]

HB with the amazing Photoshop skillz [Tirico Suave]

I refuse to allow this to be the headline of the day, but the Browns signed another former Jet - Abram Elam - to an offer sheet. So nothing's permanent, but still. [Fox Sports]

Actually, make that 2. The Browns also signed David Bowens, formerly of you guessed it, the New York Jets [ESPN]

Looks like Torry Holt may not be a Ram for much longer? [CBS Sportsline]

Brady Quinn and Shaun Rogers to Denver may be all that more likely now... [ESPN]

LT has restructured his contract. I feel like this is something I should care about, and yet, I don't [Associated Press]

I'd like to give the NHL 2 minutes for being douchey. You crack down on fights and I'll crack down on your face. Deal? [Rumors and Rants]

No one noticed my joke on Twitter the other night, so I'm making it again - "'The Haunting in Connecticut?' I didn't know they made a movie about Dejuan Blair [Associated Press]

Tuesdays with Steve. I'm going to stop trying to characterize this with clever prose [Steve Is Alive]

Solid what appears to be - David Caruso cartoon [NESW Sports]

Vern, quit playing with your wang. All that jerkin' it is gonna give you prostate cancer [Grumpy Old Dog]

You know, I wrote that last one last night, but look at how Vern came through for me. Knew I could count on you, man [You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad!]

There are two ways to look at this - 1. Chris Brown is an asshole, and 2. Chris Brown is a pimp [The Superficial]

Hey look, they finally named a vacuum cleaner after me [Macy's]

"Berlin has a reputation in Germany of being a rude city..." No. Actually, Germany has a reputation as home to the scariest people on Earth. It has nothing to do with rudeness and everything to do with things like this... [Reuters]

Dogs, dude. Iditarod and what not [SI.com]

Check it out, DC has it's own Samurai [DCist]

This looks all too familiar to me [FAIL Blog]

Honest Abe = the original Jeff Reed [Carbolic Smoke Ball]

"OK Computer" up for MTV's Greatest Album Ever. Sorry, though, dudes. I love you, but Nirvana will always win [Radiohead At Ease]

Today's riffs theme = "Songs About Articles of Clothing" [Friday Morning Riffs]

And in honor of today being 3/11...

Hey Domski, remember that time we saw them in concert? Amazing.

Holy link dump, Batman!

Speaking of dumps...

I'll talk to you guys later...

Post Script - Meeting People Is Easy. If you wanna be on the panel - drop me an email like it's hot - onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com.

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