February 17, 2009

Ok, Which Steeler Is Smoking Crack?

"Some of his teammates privately raved about him [Leftwich] to me after a Dec. 7 game against the Cowboys. One even wondered if the team might be better off with Leftwich starting instead of Roethlisberger, quite surprising now after the way Roethlisberger played in the Super Bowl."
I'm sorry, come again? What was that you just said? One of the Steelers wondered if the team might be better off with Leftwich starting instead of Big Ben? Come on, Pete Prisco, Willie Colon doesn't count.

No, but seriously, I know some of y'all may have been thinking the same thing about Ben at that point in the season. Maybe with good reason, at least in your mind(s). But, in case you never gathered it implicitly, I'm a Big Ben fan.

When he threw those three picks against Indy and everyone got all up in arms, that next Saturday night, my friend's Mom told me that the Steelers should start Leftwich instead of Big Ben. To that, I replied that Ben was going to throw for 300 yards against the Chargers the next day. And low and behold, 308 yards (hooray for being self-righteous...gayness).

Anyways, the point is, don't make this into a Ben vs. Byron debate, which frankly should be moot at this juncture anyhow. Just go with the "joke," if you don't mind.

That said, it's time to play a little game called "Who's The Asshole?"

Below is my lineup of potential perps. And just so you know, these are obviously all jokes. So don't try and tell me I'm stupid for thinking it was, say, Willie Colon. Actually, Willie Colon might not be a bad guess. Anyways, let's do this...

1. Willie Colon

Just because. Maybe he was tired of getting shit on for what people perceive to be his inadequacy, when really the problem is just Ben rolling to his right all the time (not that Ben necessarily does that more than he rolls to his left).

Actually, this really could've been any of the Offensive lineman. A friend of mine told me last year that she knew someone that was one of our Offensive Lineman's housekeeper, and she (the friend) said whichever lineman it was always complained about Bruce Arians. Of course, I had to deduce that it was Bruce Arians because neither the housekeeper nor my friend knew who the lineman was talking about.

Where am I even going with this? I don't know. Let's just move on...

2. Carey Davis - He's more or less irrelevant, so I doubt he'd be too worried about voicing his opinion. I have no idea why you'd ever interview Carey Davis after a game, but sure, why not Carey Davis?

3. Anthony Smith

Only because saying dumb shit is his shtick...which means that every time someone on the Steelers makes a ridiculous statement, there's at least a 60% chance it was Anthony Smith.

4. Mitch Berger

Now that I can no longer blame Bruce Arians for everything, I'd like to redirect a lot of that blame to Mitch Berger. He's the low hanging fruit.

That's what she said.

Moving right along...

5. Steely McDevil

YES! I found another excuse to work him into a post. Perhaps no matter which Steeler said this, it really came from Steely McDevil, who whispered this sweet nonsense into his ear. Steely McDevil = clubhouse cancer?

Well anyways, if you feel like indulging, who do y'all think it might have been? I know I made a big joke out of this, which at this point is all the statement really is, but I'm still curious. Who would say that to the media???

My guess? The dude from Me and Domski's fantasy league two (three?) years ago, who said, and I quote - "Pig Ben is a bum and he's finally showing it."

Two Super Bowls in four years...

Bum, indeed.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

16 comments:

tecmo said...

When he threw those three picks against Indy and everyone got all up in arms, that next Saturday night, my friend's Mom told me that the Steelers should start Leftwich instead of Big Ben. To that, I replied that Ben was going to throw for 300 yards against the Chargers the next day. And low and behold, 308 yards (hooray for being self-righteous...gayness).

If I remember correctly, you also said, ON TAPE, that if Ben threw for 300+ against SD, you'd piss your pants.

To this day, there is no video of you pissing your pants. Yet.

Quit depriving the world of this video!

Cotter said...

I'm pretty positive that was a different time. I'll go back and check the archives, but that was before a Monday Night game.

tecmo said...

Shit. Should I be wrong, I guess it'll be MY turn to piss my pants

tecmo said...

Shit. Should I be wrong, I guess it'll be MY turn to piss my pants

Cotter said...

That was the Ravens game, the Monday Night game after Ben was murdered by Philly for eight sacks. I think it's reasonable to say that I'd piss my pants if Ben threw for 300 yards on the Ravens, right?

tecmo said...

/pisses pants fiercely

domski43 said...

byron should start over ben.

domski43 said...

are you guys talking about the yellow noise? (the sound that makes everyone pee their pants?)

tecmo said...

byron should comment/blog in place of me after my mistake at the beginning of this thread

tecmo said...

BROWN NOISE!

Cotter said...

What would Brady Quinn do?

tecmo said...

a dude?

Cotter said...

Close.

The correct answer is "Shaun Rogers."

Notgomu said...

Why would the Bengals franchise a kicker? Nevermind, I don't care. Ben rules, everyone has a bad game once in awhile. When does football start again? Jeff Reed rules too. I hate it when I'm drunk and there's no paper towels.

Noah said...

Has nobody mentioned Santonio Holmes? Everyone starts at weed, then moves up from there.

But if I had to take an educated guess, I'd say Limas Sweed. Think about it, the only way he got the ball in the reg. season was when Leftwich was throwin it to him......

Cotter said...

Finally, a guess! I wouldn't put it past ol' Sweed, there. I could see that.