December 11, 2008

Your Daily Dose of FAIL! From OFTOT...

People who take the elevator one floor = FAIL!

Are you serious? Listen up, man. Our building has these things on either side of the floor called stair cases, and I assure you, your ID works to open those doors as well. So there's no need for you to get on at the 5th floor, only to get right back off at the 6th and extend my elevator riding time an extra 15 seconds. Don't you know I'm trying to get back upstairs so I can attack this delicious salad (I know, I know) I've procured for myself? Get your mind right, jagoff! The stairs are your friends.

Chicks with gay best friends = Also, FAIL!

Here's the problem, here. It's not that you HAVE a gay best friend. That's totally cool. It's that you bring him out to bars and what not with you, and unless he's dressed in an extremely flamboyantly gay fashion, or trying to touch my ass, I have no way of knowing that he's not your boyfriend. And if I am to assume that any dude you're out with IS your boyfriend, in the absence of evidence to the contrary, I can't very well try and chat you up, now, can I? Of course, this assumes I had some intention of chatting you up in the first place, which is most likely not the case, because I'm a total puss when it comes to chicks. But look, you get the idea. Whatever happened to chicks traveling in packs? I guess we all left that in College? I propose that if you're a single chick, and you're going to venture out to the bar with your dude friend who likes other dudes, that you have him wear some sort of indicator, maybe like a little lighthouse beacon, or like a sherrif's badge, I don't know, I'm just spitballin' here. But something to let me know that it's a green light and he's just there for companionship. That, or I could just stop being such a pussy. But we all know that isn't going to happen anytime soon, so...sort it out, chickadees.

/end daily afternoon rant



random asshole said...

I typed out a serious response but decided against posting it. That's not how I roll.

Solution to Problem #2 = Just be some girl's gay best friend. You're already apparently eating salads for lunch. Combine that with your crush on Brady Quinn and it's really only half a step further.

Taking that further, you could get a hot lesbian friend and go out and hit on some girl and her gay best friend. That party would have something for everyone.

Cotter said...

Oh shit! Flip it around on 'em?

I like where your head's at, asshole. Well done...

tiny350Z said...

That first thing is a serious pet peeve of mine. And it happens almost every morning.
Now. I could be productive and take the stairs up six flights and not have to deal with this. But I don't. They should though. Because it's usually the fat asses that end up taking the elevator one floor.
Someone I was complaining to about this said that he had a general rule: 2 down, 1 up. I stick by that.