September 23, 2008

The Doctor Will See You Now...


Ok, so we lost on Sunday. I, for one, am still pissed off about it. But I refuse to let it ruin my week. Instead, I'd like to do what I always do and try to be funny so I can successfully mask the black shitstorm of death within...I mean, hey guys, what's up? Didn't see you there.

Well anyway, I really did want to get humorous today. So I reached deep down into my creative subconscious and pulled out this little nugget right here. It's Tuesday, so Tomlin should have his presser later on this afternoon, at which he'll announce the injuries to watch this week. With that in mind I thought I'd preempt him and give you all the injury report right now.

So let's not do this dance where I write a whole bunch of words that I don't need to write en route to introducing the main feature that you probably won't read. Just consider this your transition. Or should you so desire...choose your own adventure [and insert witty segue from randomness to more randomness here].

Yeah, so, uh, here it is...

1. Big Ben - Bruised confidence in the offensive line
2. Chris Hoke - Severe case of looking like Vader
3. Chris Kemoeatu - Extremely itchy face
4. Willie Colon - Unknown (believed to be worthlessness)
5. Jeff Reed - Being awesome...and probably herpes
6. Byron Leftwich - I think he's just over eager, really
7. Donavan McNabb - Feelings are permanently hurt (yeah, I know)
8. Limas Sweed - Sports hernia (might actually be true?)
9. Bruce Arians - Head up ass disease
10. LaMarr Woodley - Wait, how'd he get in here? Erroneous.
11. Deshea Townsend - Needs to grow three inches
12. Hines Ward - So bitchy, I love it.
13. Larry Zierling - This blog no longer recognizes his existence
14. Anthony Smith - FAIL!
15. Cotter - Man, this damn blog never has enough dinosaurs

But alas, that's all I got. Anyone else who tells you they're injured, they're lying to you, man. Especially Brett Keisel. That guy is completely unbelievable. Yeah dude, you're injured...and I'm the Easter Bunny.

What, no good?

10 comments:

The Chief said...

Bring Back Mahan!

(Seriously, if any of yinz out there fail to see the sarcasm in this statement, check yourself into the mental ward of Allegheny General IMMEDIATELY!!!)

domski43 said...

i really hope big ben is okay. not only does he have an injury to his throwing shoulder, but also his throwing hand. the worst news i could hear today is that leftwich will get the start monday night. although he looked good, the eagles were in a prevent style defense to not let up the big play (a little bit different from the blitz packages ben saw all game long).

I'm also worried about casey hampton, the steelers cannot afford another injury to the defensive line.

Have to beat Ravens Monday night.

marc said...

Mendenhall sounds good to me. I also wouldn't mind seeing Big Max in there a bit.

Cotter said...

chief ~ Sarcasm...never heard of it...

domski ~ No doubt. Losing to the Ravens is almost as bad as losing to the Browns...actually, in a way, it kind of IS losing to the Browns...if you know what I'm sayin'.

marc ~ Max Starks > Willie Colon. I can't say it enough. I'm not saying Max Starks is a pro bowler. I'm just saying, how could he be worse than Willie Colon?

tecmo said...

I'm not saying Max Starks is a pro bowler.

So does he or does he not roll on Shabbos?

Cotter said...

I believe he is shomer shabbos...

domski43 said...

we've talked about this before, but what about a monster formation featuring starks and colon? super-max protect!

I cant see the ravens running all over us Monday night, but their defense is a cause for concern after the offensive line's meltdown vs the eagles.

Marc said...

We were outcoached for most of the sacks as well as outmanned. Rex Ryan is very good, so he will be able to scheme us well, hopefully Tomlin addresses this issue.

domski43 said...

okay, so parker was injured during the eagles game and wasnt taken out of the game?!? why did we take mendenhall for the number one pick if we are not going to use him. I guess Tomlin has the same approach as last year, "use willie till the wheels fall off," well coach you got your wish.

thankfully we have hoke to replace hampton on the defensive line. but with two backups on the defensive line the ravens run game is going to be much harder to stop. this sux!

tobiathan isn't impressed by tomlin. yet. said...

In further consideration i'm laying the blame for Sunday's loss where it ought to be: on Mike Tomlin.

Ultimetely, *the reality is* that he's responsible for what the team does, or doesn't, do. And since the offensive play-calling never seemed to adjust, Willie looked ineffectual, Ben was obviously playing hurt, and the O-line sent in a group of worthless dopplegangers in place of actual athletes I hold Tomlin responsible for failing to force his staff and players to adjust to the game's *reality*.

Cowher- love him or hate him- was a master of motivation and in-game schematic and player adjustments. Tomlin, conversely, seems determined to stick with the original gameplan come Hell or high sack-count. Why?

Why didn't Max Starks get in the game?

Why didn't Mendenhall get more playing time?

Why didn't we go to a blitz-pickup quick-pass and draw-play scheme?

Why did we run the same failing plays over and over and over and..well, you get the idea?

Why didn't anyone make Ben stop calling the snap at EXACTLY THE SAME MOMENT on every effing play? My deaf, blind, 15-year-old dog coulda sacked him on that count!

Why didn't we see anything more creative offensively?

A lot of questions. No answers that i can find. Does Tomlin care about winning? Or is he more concerned with looking cool? I miss the way The Chin got into players' faces when they weren't performing. Mike's "Hey guy, just buck up n' do better, K? thing ain't cutting it. We saw that in the losses to ARZ, DEN, and NYJ last year: Tomlin trying to be Tony Dungy or Lovie Smith, showing little emotion, while apparently completely failing at adding that extra fire to a team in need of leadership.

I *want* to like Mike Tomlin. Really i do. I think he knows how to talk a big game. But, so far, i'm not seeing him LEADING this team thru tough times in close games to WIN. It's easy to take credit when you inherit a championship-caliber team, Mike. A little harder when that team needs some real coaching.

Is his lack of experience starting to show? Would a Dick LeBeau as head coach have been able to change things up enough to win? Look what he did with the defense. Why hasn't/can't Tomlin get the same quality out of the offense?

Yeah: i'm mad. And i want somebody to blame. The Rooneys(Blessed be their Steelers!) are great owners, but they took a HUGE chance on an inexperienced young guy to lead their team. IMHO so far Tomlin hasn't made that risk look very much worth it.

With the injuries we have now, and our schedule ahead, i think we're gonna see what Coach Mike Tomlin is all about. I hope *the reality is* everything we've been promised it would be....