The Many Faces of Willie Parker...

Just kidding. Sort of. Willie Parker is Willie Parker, for all intents and purposes. But everyone seems to love Clinton Portis' playful alter egos. So I got to thinking - what if Willie Parker dreamed up some creative aliases of his own? Well, I've gone ahead and done the legwork for him. And you all.

The results are below.

Read on and don't forget to vote on the poll to your left for whichever strikes your fancy.

And now, I introduce you to...

#1 ~ Master Fly W. Large

This is an easy one. Obviously FWP would have an alter pimp personality. At first, I thought maybe he could just call this one FWPimp. But then I thought - that's not nearly fitting enough. What would CP do? And then I discovered the Pimp Handle Generator, which gave me - "Master Fly W. Large." Thank God Al Gore for the internets.

#2 ~ Admiral Franklin W. Pennington

Commander of the Allegheny. Mighty Captain of the Monongahela. Expert navigator of the Ohio. Admiral Pennington puts the motion in the...well, river. But he does it in style. See that hat he's got there. Fierce! Nobody weathers a storm like the Admiral (as he's called for short). He'll man the steering wheel, raise the mast and swab the deck all at the same time. Take 'em to the brig, private Mendenhall!

#3 ~ Barack Obama

Not really. Just wanted to keep you on your toes.

#4 ~ The Anklebreaker

Three-time NFLWF World Champion and amateur hair model. You've heard of The Undertaker. This is his darker counterpart, The Anklebreaker. Standing an intimidating 6'7," The Anklebreaker is a force to be reckoned with. His finishing move is the "Double Juke" and it leaves opponents with two broken ankles and a severely bruised ego. The Anklebreaker doesn't mess around. You come in his path, he's going to take you down to Chinatown. Or perhaps in this case, the Strip District.

#5 ~ Johnny Smoothlove, The 3rd

One part Bob Barker, one part Jude Law, and all charm. Smoothlove comes from a long line of womanizers and has reportedly slept with a solid 700 ladies, at last count. He makes his home in a houseboat docked in Malibu, CA and has similar outfits in London, Rome and Paris. Fathers hide your daughters, here comes Johnny Smoothlove, the 3rd.

What was all that? ... No idea. Terrible. Really, awful. This party sucks, I'm out.