December 2, 2008

This Aggression Will Not Stand, Man...


DISCLAIMER: Joke post imminent...Everything you're about to read, in case you don't detect it, is dripping with sarcasm. The whole premise is obviously a joke and in fact, truth be told I'm one of the douchiest dudes I know when it comes to being environmentally conscious (among other things). But that doesn't mean I can't write something to the contrary that entertains the hell out of me. So just keep in mind, all that follows is for entertainment purposes only. And when it's over, go hug a tree...I know I will...

Dude, yesterday when I woke up it was like 51 degrees with a light breeze. By 10 PM last night, it was approximately 2 degrees with winds touching the upper 30 MPH...

FAIL!

Something is clearly broken. And that something is the environment.

We had a good thing going there for a while with Al Gore, but ever since like 1998 it's been a rapid decline in the consistency and continuity of the weather (much like the Steelers offense circa Weeks 2-12).

People have been talking about saving this shit for like, years. So many years. And where has it gotten them/us?

Right, so Tec and I have decided to launch our campaign against the environment. Paper bags, not plastic? Nah, screw that. Double plastic bag everything. Recycling? Hell no. The trash can is always way closer than the recycling can anyhow, right? Carpool? Get the hell out of here! In fact, go buy yourself a friggin' tank and start driving THAT shit around. Get one for your dog too!

Conservation and all that other hippie shit my Mom's always talking about? It ain't workin'. I mean, Winter, Summer, take your pick. They're all out of whack. And hurricanes? Don't even get me started. Wasn't there a Tsunami a few years ago? Yeah, that's the shit I'm talking about, man.

So we're saying - eff it. Let's burn this mother to the ground!

Oh, and throw healthy eating in there as well (says the vegetarian).

Who's with us?

10 comments:

Cotter said...

Fine, it's cool, I'll comment on my own post.

Here's the irony - Like 10 minutes after I posted this, I decided to share a 27 page document with a co-worker in a meeting because I didn't want to print it out for myself and inevitably just chuck the 27 pages in the trash/recycling afterward.

random asshole said...

Since you seem desperate for a comment, I'll just note that your sarcastic posts historically led to more interesting comment threads when people think you're serious. You should try and keep the riff-raff fooled. (No offense intended to the riff-raff.)

Additionally, I'll note the irony of writing about destroying the environment from what may be America's SUV capital, further-ironically nicknamed the "Garden State."

So concludes my daily Jersey-bashing.

Cotter said...

This from a man who did six months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old? Eight year olds, dude.

PS - Thanks for the love, Asshole. Don't forget all the hairspray that gets used in this state either.

random asshole said...

Nothing wrong with eight year olds. Put three of 'em together and you've got yourself something legal...

Cotter said...

That's what she said.

Walter said...

OOOOVVEERRRR THE LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

big TC said...

bingo. bango. its all the same.

big TC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
big TC said...

except the part about the child exposing thing, thats some fucked up shit right there random asshole.

Cotter said...

tc - you need more Lebowski in your life...