June 17, 2009

Someone's Got A Staph Infection In The Brain...

I mean, that's really the only reasonable explanation for this nonsense below.

Stop me if you've heard this one...

"Pittsburgh was the worst franchise in the NFL until it hired Cleveland-born Chuck Noll as its coach. He led the Steelers to four of their first six Super Bowl championships. Keying Noll's indomitable defense was Hall of Famer Jack Lambert, a graduate of Crestwood High in Portage County and Kent State, and considered by some as the best linebacker ever.

Former Browns linebacker and assistant coach Bill Cowher led Pittsburgh to its fifth Super Bowl win. Cowher, despite his accomplishments, wasn't good enough to be head coach for the Browns. Don't believe it? Former Browns owner Art Modell chose Bill Belichick over Cowher as Cleveland's new coach in 1991. Proving that the Browns' decision-makers have always known what's best, Belichick has coached three Super Bowl championship teams.
Cotter Sidenote: Let the record show that Belichode won all three of those championships with the Patriots, that he only posted ONE winning season with the Browns, and to boot, that he was head coach of the Browns when they packed up their bags and moved to AIDS city, I mean Baltimore, in 1996 (where he was not retained).

Meanwhile, all Cowher did while Beliturd was Browns head coach was post four consecutive winning seasons (with four playoff trips), and take the Steelers to the Super Bowl in '96 - the same year that the Browns had to close up shop in Cle-heave-land (of course we all know how that worked out for Cowher, and we won't mention it either).

But, hey, that was probably all just luck.

In fact, one might say that the best move the Browns ever made was the one they made to Baltimore...where within the 1st five years, they won a Super Bowl...something they hadn't been able to do in any of the prior 30 years when they were in Cleveland (while the Super Bowl existed, of course).

Who's the reigning NFL defensive Player of the Year, and a linebacker on Pittsburgh's last two world champion teams? Akron's James Harrison, another former Kent State star.

What would the Steelers have been without such guys? And, all of their championships have been won since NFL games became more a dance than a brawl. After all, it was Lambert himself who famously said, "Quarterbacks should wear dresses," after he was reprimanded by the league for hitting a quarterback too hard. The Browns won all four of their titles when the game wasn't supervised like a croquet match.

We think Ron has really Cooked the books on this one. Cleveland has it all over Pittsburgh culturally, anyway. Do you know that Pittsburgh is so lacking in creative thinking that its football team was named the Pirates from 1933-40 (when it went 24-62-5, by the way)?

- Mike Pettica, Cleveland Plain-Dealer
Wait, is he trying to say that Cleveland is somehow responsible for the Steelers successes?

Uh, either way...does anyone even care at this point?

I sure don't.

Though, I did find it kind of funny that even his own Cleveland commenters provided zero support.

Here's just a taste...

I'd go ahead and rip on the sack of canine excrement that wrote this garbage, but I trust that Vern will take care of that one for me. In fact, rumor has it that when he returns from sunny SoCal he may do just that.

That is, if he makes it back from SoCal.

Until then, Cleveland...

I think that about says it all. Don't you?

Now, if you'd like something to really entertain you, might I suggest this post, which is right below, but I'm going to link to it anyway, because that's just easier for you, so much easier than reading this sentence, with it's 1000 commas, and no actual ending...

Proper English is for real writers. Eat me.


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Steve Braband said...

"We think Ron has really Cooked the books on this one."

Really Mike? Really?

There were funnier lines in Howard the Duck.

For example:

Beverly: You got some place to go?
Howard T. Duck: Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in 'Cleve-Land'.

Cotter said...

The Mighty Ducks > Howard the Duck

Anonymous said...

oh la la 1